The Morphing of Community and Friendship

My understanding of community has morphed through the years. Time, failure in relationships, brutal betrayal, sacrificial love and unimaginable kindness by strangers have all helped develop my experience of being in and practicing community--of sharing friendship.If you have read some of my books, you have been a witness to my progressive revelation of what community is and what it is not. In 2006, I was shaped and impacted by the words of psychologist David Benner when he says that friendship has several non-negotiable ingredients—one of which is this: True friendship and community must be reciprocal. There must be give and take in healthy relationships. No one person can be the one who gives all the time. No one person can do all the initiating. It must be reciprocal. It must be shared. It must be give and take and back and forth. Benner penned these words in my very first book, The Transformation of a Man’s Heart. That clarification helped me greatly to distinguish what had become a fuzzy boundary in my life in relationships where I was paid to be people’s friends in ministry as a pastor. When I grasped the needed quality of having reciprocal relationships, I learned to distinguish between people who were really my “work” and people who were really my “friends.” It helped me and still helps me know who I am to the few people I can find in my life that actually do want to be reciprocal rather than one of us feeling like we are doing all the giving and thus someone else is doing all the taking.In 2008, I wrote in a chapter in Soul Custody titled, “Soul Companions: Choosing your Friends” that companionship is one of God’s great desires for us. Since God is Trinity—and we are created in the image of God—we learn that the soul was created to actually be in and thrive by community. It really is not good to be by ourselves in this life. There’s a lot in that chapter about loneliness and moving out of loneliness into the actual experience of tasting true friendship. As I read that chapter today, I can clearly see my own pilgrimage in attempting to move beyond my own inner loneliness to a sense of connectedness and community.In 2012, I wrote an important book titled, The Jesus Life. There’s an anchor chapter in this book about “The Way of Companionship.” I wrote this chapter reflecting on one of the greatest hurts and wounds in the erosion of what I thought was a friend. Through a deep betrayal, a friendship ended and has never been resurrected to this day. I still wonder how something that deep and tearing could ever be repaired and would I even WANT it to be? It was in this year that I discovered a small and seemingly insignificant verse in the Gospel of John where we are told that Jesus “would not entrust himself to them for he knew all people” (John 2:24). Jesus was speaking about his companions at a table he was having dinner with. He somehow knew in his interior soul that some of the people around him—perhaps already in his circle were just were not safe. That one, small verse gave me fodder for the fire in my heart to grasp friendship even more deeply. Here I learned that Jesus did not give his heart away like we were taught in Sunday School. He guarded his own heart and was not fully vulnerable. Perhaps, in my quest to be like Jesus, I would need to reign in my heart and be more careful about who I called, “friend” and with whom I told my secrets to in life.In 2014, we moved out of the city where we had lived  for a dozen years and uprooted our lives to live near our retreat. We wanted our life to be integrated. I wanted to “do my life” in one place and not be so divided. We left our church. We left our small group. We left our home and have tried to put down roots where our work, life , church and friends can have a sense of synergy, connectedness and harmony. It’s not been easy to be truthful.But in the last few months some new light has come into my quest to understand community even more. The prolific 21^st century sage, prophet, farmer and spiritual guru, Wendell Berry, wrote a few sentences that stopped my in my tracks in trying to grasp community. He writes, “Community, I am beginning to understand, is made through a skill I have never learned or valued: the ability to pass time with people you do not and will not know well, talking about nothing in particular, with no end in mind, just to build trust, just to be sure of each other, just to be neighborly. A community is not something that you have, like a camcorder or a breakfast nook. No, it is something you do. And you have to do it all the time. “His words were like a light bulb for me. Something that felt dark became a little more filled with light.  Community is something you do and you practice.   So, with renewed wind in my sails, Berry’s words have helped me want, desire to practice community. We went to church on Sunday and sat in chairs surrounded by some “friends” and neighbors where we live. We passed the peace to each other when the preacher asked us to; we stood up together and sang the Doxology and sat down to pray the Lord’s prayer together in unison. With one voice; one motion, and in one building we found ourselves warmly connected. It was stirring for me in a deep way. I was practicing Berry’s plea for what authentic community actually is and actually does. Slowly we will build trust. We invited one couple to join us for lunch. We began a new journey of practicing casual friendship. We are both new to our new town; new to our shared neighborhood and in a new stage of life together. There’s a lot in common to build upon. There is some ground now to “practice” all that I have learned thus far in my life about friendship and community.No voice has impacted me more deeply than the prophetic words of poet and author David Whyte. He writes,, “Without tolerance and mercy, all friendships die.” Read that again.   Don’t read anything more than his sentence: “Without tolerance and mercy, all friendships die.” He is telling us that friendship is not about being right. Community is not rooted in the affinity where everyone believes the same thing.  It is not about have the same political views and sharing the same doctrine. He is telling us that the soul of friendships will shrivel and die unless we practice tolerance and mercy with one another. We will not always agree. 90% of all business partnerships fail.  We simply need more tolerance and a whole lot more of mercy.  He further states, “A diminishing circle of friends is the first terrible diagnostic of a life in deep trouble: of overwork, of too much emphasis on a professional identity, of forgetting who will be there when our armored personalities run into the inevitable natural disasters and vulnerabilities found in even the most average existence.” Ouch! How does he write in such a way that his words become a scalpel to my crusted heart. If you find yourselves in a diminishing circle of friends, perhaps your own understanding of friendship will need to morph.About 20 years ago, I wrote an article for a newspaper titled, "Who are the six strong people who will carry your casket to the grave?"  I didn't know the answer to that question then and I still am not sure today. Do you know the answer to that unsettling question?  For some of us that kind of uneasy question may jar us into thinking more about this very important issue in our lives--the question about who are my friends and how do I really find true community?  We live so much of our lives asleep and on the hamster wheel that few of us think below the water line of life as we need to--as God wants and invites us to ponder.Many of the great spiritual truths in our lives are best understood when we accept the notion that goes like this: “I do not know everything. As I live more I will become more wise. I want to be a student of progressive revelation. I want to grow in my understanding of all things that matter: marriage, love, what is really essential in life and my yearning for heaven. As I have morphed and grown in my understanding of community, I can now be ready to lay down some things that have not worked; have not served me or my friends of the past well and now practice a better way of being a friend and having a friend.  Like the Apostle Paul told us, sometimes we need to put aside childish notions and take hold of a more mature understanding of things.  I find myself doing precisely as he instructed us to do regarding friends and community.  Do you?

It Takes a Long Time to Grow a Salad

It takes a long, long time to make a salad like this. Let me explain. In 1997, I woke up in the middle of the night and it was, as if I heard an audible Voice telling me to get a pad a paper and to start writing. It wasn’t really audible but it was as sure as a message telling me to do something that I have ever heard. So,  I got up. I picked the yellow pad on my desk and began to write these words, “It will be called the Potter’s Inn.” What followed was about an hour of note-taking where I wrote down the vision of Potter’s Inn ministry. That document became for us, as important as the Magna Charta or the Declaration of Independence. We have it to this day and still refer to it in times of discouragement.The vision was clear and precise. There would be an actual, physical place where those who were weary and tired would come for a respite. The journey of life and faith is hard and challenging and ever since the beginning of Jesus’ teachings, there were always “places” where people would come for renewal, guidance and rest.The English novelist J.R.R. Tolkien described such a place in  famous, Lord of the Rings where he gives words to such a place. It would be  “a perfect house, whether you like food or sleep or storytelling or singing, or just sitting and thinking best, or a pleasant mixture of them all. Merely to be there was a cure for weariness, fear and sadness.”  Gwen and I have long wanted our own Potter's Inn retreat to resemble Tolkien's description. We sat out to live this vision.  Today, 19 years  later, people from over 80 nations have come to Potter's Inn.  Some tired; some needy; some thirsty but all in search of a resting place for their own journey.This was the beginning of Potter’s Inn. Step by step for the past 19 years, Gwen and I put this vision and transformed it to what is now known as The Potter’s Inn at Aspen Ridge, a small, beautiful retreat nestled in the  Colorado Rockies. A part of the vision that we followed called for a garden where guests and staff would go to pick fresh greens, pull carrots from the good Earth and harvest tomatoes from vines that were ready to give up their goods. 19 years later; 19 years from when this first vision was “seen”—today Gwen and I picked the first fruits—the very first vegetables from the Potter’s Inn garden. We came home. We made a fresh salad composed of tender lettuce; fresh spinach, young orange carrots and a few other goodies. We sat down on our porch and it felt like church. I was overwhelmed with the beauty in my bowl. I was humbled knowing that it took 19 years to make this salad.Eugene Peterson describes a journey like this as a “long obedience in the same direction.” I can give witness to the fact that our long obedience in the same direction has been long; been one of obeying the Vision and the Vision giver and with a resolve to keep going forward. At times, we wanted to quit--for it has been so uphill.  When people come to our retreat, they are often amazed at the beauty but they do not know the long, hard winters both physically and emotionally, as well as financially, we have endured. They do not know the people who have come and gone--the sheer amount of work it has taken to put legs to this vision. Its been a lot of plowing so to speak. It's been a lot of hoeing. It's been a lot of work.In our day of instant, quick and immediate returns, we have perhaps forgotten the long obedience needed not only for a vision to be fulfilled but for a life to be lived well.Luke wrote a biography of the life and teachings of Jesus and Luke described the childhood days of Jesus by saying, “And Jesus increased in wisdom and in years and in divine and human favor (Luke 2:52). Jesus indeed had a long obedience. As his years increased so did his wisdom. As he lived well, he was graced with favor by both people and by God. It was a long obedience.  Through trials, testing and tribulation, we see the seeds Jesus himself planted. some have taken root in me and some in you. What he began, we now are feasting upon today. It took him sacrifice and for all who persevere today, sacrifice is not an option--it is a requirement.I am thinking as I write this, of my grandchildren. They have a long obedience in front of them. The journey is going to be uphill, hard and challenging. They will not be able to fast-track their formation. They will not be able to get all they will need at “fast-food” joints. It takes a long, long time to grow character. My grandchild, still in utero, will need to go through pain and birth and pain again many, many times to form their soul. They will have to be tested. Their morals; their choices; their beliefs will have to be tried by fire and tempered by the anvil of failure and forgiveness. Mistakes will happen. Failure will come. Contentment will be learned.   Through all of this and more, character will be forged. It will take a long, long time.It takes a long time to grow a marriage. Everyone knows the wedding is the simple part; the easy part and perhaps in the end, the least expensive part of growing a healthy marriage. Some lessons a couple will learn will be very expensive to learn. There will be unlearning and re-learning and transformation. The man will fail and ask for forgiveness. The woman will succumb to a force she may have never known; never admitted to nor ever wanted. But through time; in time and by time, the heart of the couple will grow deeper in love than the innocent love expressed on their wedding day. One day, one partner will lay his spouse down. It will be a giving up that is unimaginable to those of us who have never done this kind of laying down. Couples who hit bumps in the road through failure, unfaithfulness, and other collapses can, indeed find a new place of beginning yet again.On my 60th birthday, I will never forget the horrible fight that erupted between Gwen and me. I said to her in utter hurt and frustration, "Gwen, we've been married a very long time. You should have known this about me by now."  I was angry, disappointed and totally frustrated that I was having to explain what I thought was a basic like and dislike.  As we cool down, we learned how much we still have to learn about each other. We learned how deeply we still needed to really listen to each other. It was yet, another turning point for us in our maturing marriage.It takes a long time for a preacher to learn how to become a pastor and not just a teacher. Lessons are easy to spin off each week. But to earn the mantle of being a pastor is sacred honor that comes only in time where trust is nurtured and wisdom is cultivated. Getting the degree is the easy part. Earning the trust is far more challenging.It takes a long time for a entrepreneur to take a breather from the uphill climb of starting a business; of launching a new product. Nine of out ten new businesses fail. Nine out of ten new churches fail.  Nine out of ten partnerships fail. There is a lot of failing before we find our sweet spot and recognize what true success really is all about.It takes a long, long time for a boy to become a man; for a girl to become a woman; for a youth to grow their soul as well as their bodies. A soul tends to mature far slower than does a physique of an athlete.  The literal meaning of "education" means to pull out what is already inside. It is not the amassing of information that leads to greatness. It is all about transformation.  No one who knows everything recognizes that they need to be transformed. Only the broken beg for change and forgiveness--the proud never do and never will.The Bible gives this kind of notion a word called, “perseverance.” To preserve is to endure; to live with determination; to have the resolve to not quit; not give up but to stick to the task until it is complete. We learn through the writings of Peter--a man who failed many times as a leader--that perseverance is a true virtue. It is something to be rewarded and the reward really comes only to those who do not quit.  Our salad was our reward.Our salad tasted as if it were the bread and wine of communion. Just like we hear by the pastors and priests, the bread had to be broken and the wine had to be poured out—both symbols of loss and a seeming dead end. But as we chewed on this leafy, green eucharist for our dinner, we were transported to a place of profound thanksgiving. We bowed—we wanted to bow—because God did this. Through the 19 years, through the cancer; through the death of other dreams; through the walking by faith and not by sight, we saw, yet another piece of the vision fulfilled. I placed a fork in my salad and slowly lifted the spinach, lettuce, carrots drizzled with a homemade dressing, I was so, very, very happy—do deeply content.To be honest, I would have to tell you that not all of the Vision I received that night has happened. Some of it has and I still find myself wondering how in the world will what is not yet—will actually become. Will it happen in my life time? Am I only the one who planted and there remains another who will come water and yet another who will see the harvest. I am old enough now---through my long obedience to trust that my part is really but one, small part. As a wise man once said, “We are but the light bulb and our real job know is to just stay screwed in.” I like that and it makes sense.This sacred salad serves as a moment in time for me to see; to have and to enjoy a true respite on the journey. I can still taste this sacred salad. Can you? 

Letting Go: Why it's hard and Why we all have to learn to do it

Ever since we were born, we knew we had to grab, hold and cling. From our mother’s breast; to clinching our toys that we enjoyed, we all learned to hold on to what mattered to us. We all learned to hold on to what we thought would give us life--what did give us life.  As we grew and matured, our sense of holding, clutching, and grabbing did not seem to develop. It seems to be something we all do to survive—or at least we are shaped to think we must cling to live.We held on to our positions.   We clutched possessions. We did not let go of unhealthy relationships. We hoarded experiences. We amassed a lot of stuff. Yes, we’ve got the holding on to thing quite down.Through life and in life, we learn that-- [tweetthis]The key lesson all of us will learn is this: We will all learn that we have to let go.[/tweetthis]Parents let go of their first grade child feeling that life has somehow shifted when school began. The memory of me taking my first born son to university and dropping him off is forever etched in my memory bank. I vividly remember holding back my tears as we made trip after trip to the car taking what he was holding on to—what he felt was necessary to clutch as a freshman. When the last load was delivered the deathly sense of dread overwhelmed me. I said to my son, “Blake, I need to get out of here. Let’s make this quick.” We hugged. I kissed his forehead and we waved. That was it—until I closed the door of my car to drive off. Then the tears came. Not just a tear mind you but deep waves of rolling emotion that I had so far successfully manged to keep down, deep inside. I let go of my son and to be honest in that moment of letting go—nothing has been the same. That rite of passage became a season of transformation that changed him and changed me.We let go of our health. An accident might take a limb. A disease my take a lung. A cancer cell my have lodged in a vital organ. A hip or some other piece of us might break and need to be laid aside.Every letting go is a letting go of some part of us that is necessary to let go of in light of the next step on the journey.I’ve seen people hold on to their status and position and use every principle available to tightly grip what seems to have given them significance in their life. I’ve seen pastors hold on too long. I’ve seen CEO’s hold on too long. It takes a lot of inner work for someone to let a position go that has defined them; shaped others and provided for them in life. Some of us may hold on too long. We can’t let go. I’ve seen this played out with powerful executives who try to retire and then put their power at work in Home Owner’s Association. It happens all the time. I’ve sat with women who have lost their possessions in a fire or learning that all their possessions were lost at sea due to storage unit falling off a tanker in the Atlantic Ocean. What seems devastating to us at the time of such a loss helps us realize what is really important in this life and the next. We learn this if we are curious, open and as we learn to hold lightly what needs to be held lightly and to hold tightly what needs to really be held on to in life.If we live long enough, life reveals to us that we can’t take anything with us as we pass through the doorway into the Kingdom that awaits us. At that door—the door of death—we lay down everything—even and including our final breath. The Hebrew word for breath is “ruah.” It is the breath God gives to us when our butts are smacked by a doctor to make us cry—to breath. In the end---and for some of us, our end seems far, far too abrupt and sudden—our breath is laid down. It is given back.When I turned 60, I was struck like a slap in my face that my time was going to be short on this planet. Before that particular birthday, I never gave much thought to my life line. But somehow that day marked much of my thinking now about how I need to live my life now; what I need to let go of and how to live lightly and freely for the time I have remaining on this planet.I am learning at 62 that evey act of letting go is really this---it is practice for me to learn to let go of everything until eventually I will have to—need to and want to—lay down and give back to God the “ruah” he gave me in the first place. For me to learn this lesson, I’ve had deep spiritual conversations with a wise, sage 10 years my senior, whom I go to for monthly conversations about what I’m really thinking and what is really consuming my head these days. Those conversations are now like cairns which are marking my trail and the trail behind me of how to lay down much in life as I continue my long obedience in the same direction. I have had to lay down this big thought: I can’t do this by myself. I am not wise enough. I need help. By laying down my independence, I am finding a new freedom that I simply am enjoying.I have had to practice this letting go thing recently with a possession I valued so incredibly much. I lost my journal. I kept my journal in a gray backpack and took it everywhere. In that journal, I recorded my thoughts—my inner world markings that were etched on my soul. I wrote about my grandson’s death. I wrote about my marriage with Gwen and the biggest fight we ever had two years ago. I wrote the outline for a book that I felt God had given me a new message to write about. It was lost. I felt lost. I had to let go.It’s interesting that I as I was lamenting over this most recent loss and my efforts to let go of it and to lay it down, my journal showed up. The story of how it showed up is another story. But suffice it to say, I remain happy and thrilled to have back what I thought was so important to me. Sometimes, this happens. We seem to get back or to be given what seemed lost. This happened to the father in Jesus story of the prodigal son. The father got back one son---yet in some ways he lost the son that had been sort of with him all along.There are many levels of letting go. Letting go is probably rooted in each of us at a cellular level. Attachments form early in our life and for some of us we never really quite seem to work through being hooked by what doesn’t really matter at all in life. This letting go thing is deeply rooted in the Christian faith. God let go of his only son. The son let’s go of his closest associates and friends. All of life, when properly understood is deeply grounded in this birth, death and resurrection—this life, laying down and finding what really matters through life revelations.Here are some practices that might help you let go and begin and continue to let go in life. 

1. Hold every thing lightly in life. Things are things and all things can be replaced. When things grip our hearts, we find we have too much clutter but inside and outside.
2. Hold the people you love and value tightly. When people die, no one ever asks to hold an antique; an heirloom; a book or checkbook. When we pass into our next home, we want someone’s hand. We all want to be held at life’s most defining moments. That hug, embrace, kiss seems to mark those times as sacred because people are sacred—things are not.
3. Become curious about your attachments. What would you grab in case of a fire and run out into the streets with so thankful you saved this thing from loss or destruction. Who are the six people that will carry your casket to the final resting place? Who matters most in life to you and why?
4. Embrace letting go as a new spiritual discipline. The new book Essentialism has helped me think this through though a Bible verse or Jesus is never mentioned in the pages, it is filled with a challenge our generation needs to hear. Some of us need to let go of the boxes of our faith to experiences in life that is beyond our  boxes, we have constructed doctrinal statements we have written and more.
5. Mark times of letting go with words, rituals and ceremonies. Find songs, poems, pictures and rituals that help you know—without words—what is really happening inside of you---inside of “us.”

Finding our Soul

“You’re blessed when you can get your inside world—your mind and heart—put right. Then you can see God in the outside world.” –Jesus in the Sermon on the Mount

[tweetthis]It takes a long time for some of us to figure out we have an inside world. So many of us seemed to be obsessed with the outside world.[/tweetthis] As children and in time, we give up; perhaps barter away our inner world to exchange it for what we think will satisfy us. Our interior real estate seems cheap compared to the outer markers of success. We become consumed about our status. We devote our lives to positions, people and props to help bolster the weight and intensity of the outer world. We abandon any notion of an interior world—and inner soul. As a result, we live hollow and empty lives. We live disconnected to our souls–perhaps not even realizing we have a soul–we are a soul!

If you’ve read any of my books, you know my own journey in this regard. I am still at work on connecting my inside world. Aren’t we all?  (I’ve written extensively about this in The Lazarus Life and most recently in Inside Job.)  Go to Bookstore!We pant. We hunt. We long for the trappings that we think will bring us peace within—only to end out inwardly bankrupt—inwardly thirsty—inwardly desperate. Why? Because nothing on the outside of a person’s life can satisfy the inner longings of the inside world.We look for water which cannot satisfy. We build cisterns to hold that which cannot be held and we call of of this craziness life.This is precisely why Jesus was so concerned with the inner life of men and women. He fully knew that the inner life is where the action is. All good and all bad begins in the interior membranes of a person’s soul. Our thoughts—both for altruistic longings and evil intent has it’s genesis inside. It is precisely there—within each one of us that we pre-meditate the good and bad we do each day.I sit with leaders every day of my work life who are waking up to their soul. For too long, they seem to have been asleep—fallen numb to what really matters in life. Sadly, for so many it seems to take a crisis—that long fall and shattering glass where some sort of break through can happen. This fall—this awakening—this coming to our senses is a necessary step in getting one’s inside world made right. The thud of our fall, seems to bring us to our senses just as the stench of the pig sty brought the prodigal to his senses.When we come to our senses—when we admit our addiction, confess our brokenness, let go of our grip on the world and all that we have come to believe that we DO know and confess that we do not know—perhaps anything is the place—the exact and precise place where one’s interior life begins to grow and expand. We grow into our hearts once again. We reclaim what we have abandoned and forsaken. We come to our senses and that 18” gap between our head and our heart becomes connected. We are undivided. We are put right and we know it inside. We are at peace—peace—that interior “thing” we all want and need.When I watch my grandchildren who are young, I see that there is no disconnect in them. They cry at the drop of their bottle. They feel anger when the spoon clings on the empty cereal bowl. If they realize they have a messy diaper, then inside they somehow know that they are having a messy life. They want to be clean inside and out. They laugh at the most insignificant and to me, stupid thing…but they are not divided like I am. They are at one with themselves—at one with the universe. This is perhaps why Jesus told us to become like a child—to become connected again with our inside world—our souls.Here are 5 ways to help connect with your inside world. 

1. Take a walk every day in nature, a park or trail. Walk in silence and alone. Notice what you are thinking about; concerned with; distracted by.
2. In a journal, begin to record—daily if you can what you “notice” on the inside. “I feel nervous.” “I am excited.” And even “I feel distracted, harried or tired” will help you begin to notice more and own more of what is happening inside of you. It’s just a few words or one or two sentences. Nothing more. In my journal, I begin my entry this way every time I write. I do it to monitor how I am REALLY doing inside. If you feel upset–connect the dots. Don’t push your feeling down like a beach ball under the water.  Let it surface and see what’s really going on inside of you.
3. Notice yourself when you listen to music; see beauty or look at a sunset or sunrise. What moves you? What are you doing when you feel happy or sad? What are you wishing you were doing.
4. When you cry…follow you tears backward and see if you can discover what is pushing your tears out. If it’s been a long time since you cried, trace back to the time you can remember and begin there.
5. Become curious about what you are feeling in your body and where you are feeling it. If you are tense—see if you can find what part of your body is tense. Where do you hold stress in your body. Become curious. Notice yourself inwardly more. Think back on your day about what happened and where you felt the stress you experienced.

A Prayer of Recovery

For too long, I have greatly under-estimated the sheer power of listening to people--of hearing so many sad stories.  Yes, it is a part of my work--it is my vocation to hear such things.  But in the hearing now, I am also listening to myself say a new prayer after such long, hard and sometimes very dark work of helping--of rescuing; of counseling and offering spiritual guidance.I've returned from an intense time of such work. I've re-entered my life now--having left so many folks I sat with in recent days.  Now, I must do my own work of cleansing--my own work of restoration--my own soul care.Everyone who cares--needs care. So, this prayer is something I've written to help me leave the burdens I carried for others in recent days and weeks.  It is my own way of doing some inner work of cleansing and confession. I hope it might be an encouragement to those who care and for those in need of the care of their own souls. A Prayer of Recovery for all who have Tried to Help-Stephen W. Smith Dear God, I have entered the dark in search of the light. Bring your light into the dungeon so that I can find my way back out. It has been dark—very dark. Show me your light. Let me see my way to you once again.I have searched O Lord to find hearts that are lost; souls that feel trapped, minds that are enslaved and I am weary because of it. Restore unto me, your comfort and care. I need your footing to find my way back out.I have sought to throw a lifeline to those in peril and because of this, I now need your lifeline for me. Grip me and pull me through lest I feel abandoned myself. The weight of their issues can bring me down. I can trip on all the grave clothes found and untied. Show me the way back out.I am unaware of what I soak into my own soul in such places; in hearing such sadness. My heart has been too much like a sponge soaking in their pain and I feel their pain and my own. Have mercy upon me, O Lord. In attempting to stop their bleeding, please, O Lord stop my own. Their hemorrhage has caused me to do the same. I feel messy. Cleanse me, O Lord. They hurt and I have hurt for them; with them. I now need to lay their hurt aside and find my own heart once again. Please help me.Rid me of a cloak of despair. Let me shed the grave clothes of others and walk into the Light. Free me from the tomb and the shackles of others so that I might run once again in freedom and joy.Where there has been evil, now bring me to peace.Where there has been so much despair, now sow seeds of joy within me.Where there has been buffeting waves where we only feel the deep, bring me to the ground of my being—the Ground of Your Being.Help me to sense the crowd of witnesses who now surround me and to hear their encouragement. Help me now to rest for great has been the battle.The greatest cheer I seek to hear is your delight--not in my work--but in my being.  My work is done but I am not done. I will go on. I want to recover. Speak and I will recover. Say the word, and I will come back to life. Make me attentive today among the timbered trees, rushing wind and birds that sing of the song of life once again. Sing of your delight and I will once again praise your name. Amen

Soul Care: Caring for Those in Need

When Jesus told us the familiar story of the Good Samaritan (Luke 10:25-47), he was doing more than telling us a nice story.  This story is perhaps, one of the most told stories every told and is well known by people of other faiths and traditions.This is a mandate for us to care--to really care for people.  A man is beat up on his journey by thugs and thieves. He was taken advantage of and trauma was the result.  Van Gogh paints the story for us in vivid color and by pausing we can see more than just a nice story.The injured man is left by the side of the road in peril and in need of care.  After several busy people passed this man by, an insignificant person stopped who no one would have even envisioned worthy to be able to offer the injured man care and help.  The man who stopped was a Samaritan--someone  who was not respected or well-thought of in his day.  This "good" Samaritan we're told, took the ailing and injured person to an Inn where the Innkeeper pledged all the help needed to restore the person's well-being.Look at the injured man on the horse.  His body is limp.  He's weak from the journey. His head his bandaged showing that he is most likely in a daze--even unable to dismount his horse. He's weak. He's tired. He's been through trauma.Notice the "Good" person in the story. He is the one helping the injured man. He's dressed different from the ailing man. He's strong--reaching to help the man down.  Do you see the open suitcase in the bottom left corner. The man has been robbed. Things have been taken from him. He's been violated. He's been a victim.  Right above the suitcase is one the people who noticed the injured man but is passing by. He didn't stop to help. He did not care. He was pre-occupied with his life--his mission--his goal--perhaps his own thoughts.  Learning to care involves thinking of one's self less and the needs of others more. This is what we mean when we say that someone is "selfless." We mean that their thoughts are focused on something other than self. The folks who passed this dear injured man by--were thinking of religion; thinking of their obligations; thinking of themselves and their own busyness.We learn in the parable and in the fabulous painting that caring for the soul of men and women requires a few simple acts:

• Noticing--Jesus' story is about noticing the folks around us in our every day life who need care.  Some noticed and passed by; others rushed by too pre-occupied to stop; too limited in time to really care.  Soul Care first begins in the act of noticing. Who needs help? Who in your everyday walking, talking and working life seems to be hurting?  Truly "good" people do not see others as invisible.  They have a sense that people matter and hurting people matter a lot. When we are too pre-occupied to notice the hurting--we are too busy. By moving fast and by moving with great intention, we overlook someone who is need. Isn't this the real message Jesus offered us in another parable:  ^"For I was hungry and you gave me no food, I was thirsty and you gave me no drink, ⁴³ I was a stranger and you did not welcome me, naked and you did not clothe me, sick and in prison and you did not visit me.’ ⁴⁴ Then they also will answer, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and did not minister to you?’ ⁴⁵ Then he will answer them, saying, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to me."--(Matthew 25:31-36).   We notice people by SEEING them. Really seeing the person--the blood--the wound--the need.  People in need matter and they matter as much as our mission statement; our mandates; our priorities and our every day "to do lists".
• Stopping-- if we are too busy to stop--then we are simply too busy. This is Jesus' point. We need to stop. It is not enough to see the need--our call is to actually stop and elp. In this parable, Jesus makes it clear that stopping is God's real will-God's real mission--God's real ministry.  When we are over-committed and spin rivaling priorities, we cannot stop--at least we live in the illusion that we can't stop. This is Jesus whole point for us to ponder. What is taking up the mental space and heart space that each one of us has in life?
• Reaching--Caring involves reaching out. Just as  you see  the person reaching to help---real help is incarnational. It involves our feet, our hands; our resources; our intent; our physical act---and not just our prayers.
• Helping--The Good Samaritan took the injured man to a place for healing and help.  Soul Care does not happen by thinking or even praying for help. It involves the actually help we extend to others. Our hands become God's extended hands. Our eyes become God's eyes to see. Our feet to move--become the incarnational feet of Jesus to move us to those in need. Teresa of Avila penned these famous words:Christ Has No BodyChrist has no body now on earth but yours, No hands but yours, No feet but yours, Yours are the eyes through which is to look out Christ’s compassion to the world; Yours are the feet with which he is to go about doing good; Yours are the hands with which he is to bless men now.T0 care like is to actually involves oneself in the incarnational work of God in the 21st century. This happens when we live this story out--when we put ourselves into this painting--when we believe the actual words Jesus offered us.
• Providing on-going care--this is the story of the actual Inn--the actual place where help is given. Care does not happen in a vacuum. Care happens in a place where love is extended; wounds are bound and stories are listened too deeply. Love is extended. This is the heart of God, is it not? The wounds are tended to; the man's story is listened to; good food and drink nourish the injured back to health.

When I study this picture as I have for several weeks now, I see that Van Gogh actually captured the mission of Potter's Inn. We care for the souls of leaders in the marketplace and ministry. This parable has shaped our important work.  We do this by providing care and by teaching the great preventative work involved in the care of our souls.We have an Inn. We provide a place for people from all over the world to come to learn; to experience care; to be equipped to be a mobile "Inn" in the  marketplace and ministry. We have people who care. We know how to provide the care leaders need and we are so deeply glad to be doing this great work. We are profoundly thankful to those of you who help us do this by your financial support and prayers. It takes a lot of help to do what we do.It's important for me to underscore that soul care, when really understood is NOT just like Red Cross kind of work--the kind of work done when catastrophes and storms wreak havoc. Soul Care is really preventative work--to equip people to know how to live well and work well in life. We do this by helping people understand the soul; how to care for the soul; how to live in a sense of rhythm and how to sustain the life God called us to live. 

6 Ways of Coping with Sadness

There’s nothing wrong with feeling sad. Sadness can become a real barometer to help us cope with the harsh realities of life. When we pay attention to our own sadness, we can find issues that are below the waterline that will help us; inform us; teach us and comfort us. Sadness is really a necessary place we humans must experience. To attempt to avoid sadness is to avoid the full dimension of being human. Pills can medicate us; drugs can calm us but the real feelings of sadness mark us as normal people in a "amped up" culture. To deny sadness, is to believe the lie that happiness can be lived out all of the time by all of the people.  The truth is this: there are many things that happen in life that should make us sad and need to make us sad.  Suffering. Tragedy. Loss. Failure. Moral collapse and many more realities all contribute to some ones emotional and spiritual equilibrium.The Christian culture in particular is often in-ept to help people cope with sadness.  Churches can "whoop it up for Jesus" in worship and never equip people to actually know how to lament--and to know there is an entire book of the Bible named, "Lamentations". True worship needs both dimensions of the human experience.  True spiritual health embraces sadness and I hope we can better equip the folks within the church to learn better how to cope. In my thinking, this is true discipleship--as much as memorizing Scripture or studying Romans.When you read the Psalms, you do not find that the Psalmist every avoided or denied his own feeling of being sad sometimes. The sad Psalms are juxtaposed to the bright and happy God poems. Both are important. Both are vital to our human experience. Both are necessary.When we examine the life of Jesus, we also see someone who embraces sadness as normal. He cried when his dear friend, Lazarus died. He felt lonely. He experienced rejection. He went through disappointment. He was not the eternal optimist. He spoke of dark endings and tribulations. He held the sad with the courageous feelings in his own heart.In my work with people who work in the marketplace and ministry, I hear many sad stories. Marriage woes. Vocational wilderness. Prodigal children. Failure both morally and professionally. Sin. Entrapment. The death of dreams and more.  Gwen and I are coached in our work by those more trained and seasoned than we are. One of our mentors, a Christian psychiatrist told us, a few years back, “You two have grossly underestimated the residual effect of listening to so many sad stories.” He went on to explain that the soul is like a sponge that can absorb the emotions the soul sits in. He helped us develop a plan to deal with the sadness we hear and the sadness we experience in our own life.As we began to deal with our own sad hearts, we've found some helpful things we try to practice on a daily basis. I’m thinking these will encourage you as well.Here are 6 ways of working with sadness:

1. Walk every day. Danish theologian, Soren Kiekrkegarrd wrote, “Above all, do not lose you desire to walk. Every day I walk myself into a state of well-being and walk away from every illness. I have walked myself into my best thoughts, and I know of no thought so burdensome that one cannot walk away from it.” I’ve found this to be absolutely true. In our modern world, we move fast and quick. Walking steps every single day is medicinal. But walking is a very basic form of coping with  sadness that forms a rhythm and cadence for the body and brain. Step by step, we walk away from issues and in that cadence we find ourselves greatly helped. It’s beneficial physically, spiritually and emotionally. These days, I’m trying to walk 10,000 steps each day and it’s helping me in every way imaginable. My doctor agrees and so does my blood pressure. I unpack this more in Embracing Soul Care in a chapter called, "Walking with God."

2. Use the ancient practice of the Daily Examen. This is a simple and brief exercise done each day where you think back on your day to examine where you saw the fingerprint of God in our day and encounter. You ask yourself two basic questions: Where in my day did I experience the beautiful? This question causes you to evaluate your encounters with people and events to trace some form of consolation, comfort and Divine in your day. The second question is the opposite. Ask yourself, “Where did you experience the brutal?” The brutal is those places of desolation, darkness and discomfort. Don’t unpack them. Just acknowledge your feelings and impressions. Gwen and I do this every single night. It’s our way of connecting; sharing with each other our inner world impressions and really trying to practice what we call “deep listening” with each other. Ignatius said if a person practiced the Daily Examen for three months—their life would be changed forever. I agree. It makes us more sensitive to the movements of God in our life and our reaction, reflection and acknowledgement of our own feelings. Do this as a family—no matter what age your kids are. Do this in our marriage or with friends. I explain the Daily Examen more in The Jesus Life.

3. Read the Psalms. I remember the day Dallas Willard told me, “We need to read the Psalms every day because the Psalms were the prayer book of Jesus—the only prayer book he ever had.” The Psalms document the wide range of human feelings, divine encounters and our human dilemma. They do not deny the normal, everyday feelings that a human being will experience in the journey of life. They give words to the unutterable feelings we have inside and we find in reading them that we are not alone. I use the Daily Office as a way to read the Psalms. This way, I do not have to choose what to read. The Psalms are chosen for me and in reading them, I am connecting my own life to the long lineage of men and women across time spans and countries that are also practicing reading what I am reading. I am connected. I am not alone. It helps. It simply helps.

4. Share the Sadness. Community is the place where we walk with those who weep or at least try to listen empathetically. Community is not the place where we tell the good and deny the hard. It is a place where we sit and share the realities of this life. We do not try to fix someone’s sadness. We refrain from giving advice. We do not attempt to teach them the way out of their black hole. The number one reason that so much community is pseudo is this: We do not know how to really listen. We are already forming our response as someone else is unpacking their dark night of the soul. Being a companion literally means to enter into the begging posture with someone else. I try to give an honest assessment of the difficulty of being in and living with community in The Jesus Life in a whole chapter and also in Soul Custody.

5. Fix your mind on a greater perspective every single day. The apostle Paul, shared with us to do this exercise.  Warning: do not read this fast. Sit with each phrase and see what speaks to you.

“ Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life. Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies" Philippians 4:6-9 MSG.

Paul says to fill our minds with thoughts that help counter all the hard things we have heard and experienced in life each day. When we read Paul’s encouragement, we must remember he wrote these very words while chained to a wall in a Roman prison house. He knew this helped him. He knew it would help us. 6.  Keep your work your work.  By establishing a high boundary, I'm finding that I can keep my work at work and then live my life without bringing the sad stories home.  When we are home, our challenge is this: we work together and live together, so a high, high boundary has been absolutely essential to help us keep our work our work and not dwell in our work or with our work when we are home.  However, when our friends are in peril or our kids--then we find ourselves in peril with them. I think that is normal and keeping the high boundary becomes a very real challenge. In the end, we turn our friends and family over to the hands of God---we cannot hold them as God does. As we come to realize this, we lessen our grasp on the problems and seek to be held in the very hands of God we have come to trust. To feel sad it to feel more like Jesus than to deny our God-given feelings. We honor our heart when we give ourselves permission to be human.

The Prescription for our Dis-ease

In today’s fast moving world, there is a “dis-ease” within us: hurry sickness, being always on and always available; competing demands and being over-committed. We’re tired, worn out and burned out on religion. We struggle to care for others and while abandoning our own health.[tweetthis]The antidote to our “dis-ease”—is soul care. We are not without hope—no matter how fragile the ice is that we are dancing upon at the present moment.[/tweetthis] Learning to care for our soul is not only our cure but it is our hope. The English word, “care” gets its meaning from the Latin word “cura” which means—cure. As we care for our souls, we find the cure—the healing, balm and salve our souls so need. The pressure we live under; the cult of speed, our busyness and inability to really know how to rest all converge in a crisis that is now rampant both in the church and outside the walls of the church in the marketplace.  To realize that there is hope--is to realize that each of us have an opportunity to re-do our lives and to live the soul in mind.Soul Care requires a paradigm shift of how we look at life; what we believe really matters in life; and how to care for what really matters. Earlier in our lives, many of us were intoxicated with the belief that what mattered in this life was: power, position, significance and success. This dangerous cocktail became the drink of choice for many—including myself. We lived in a stupor trying to make sense of a life marked by striving, fast-paced living and busyness. When I look back upon my 30’s and early 40’s, I see I was intoxicated—drunk on this way of looking at life. We raise our children; do our lives in a culture shaped by a shallow way of life. The ripple effect of living in a stupor is huge! But in my case and in the case of so many others, God has a way of waking us up through some sort of crisis—some form of the rug being pulled out from under us: health crisis; being fired, a child in crisis, marriage woes, an affair or sweating at 3am and not knowing what our inner panic is all about. We awake from our stupor and the find that the tectonic plates of our world have shifted.What begins to matter is our soul…our meaning of life—our purpose—our well-being.  In addition to our own wake up and soul care challenge, we begin to really WANT this for those around us. This awakening is a growing awareness that our souls really do matter. The soul of our marriage; the soul of our children; the soul of our friends begins to take on new meaning. This, my friends is a Divine Invitation to begin to care for what really matters in life—to care for our souls. As we begin to care for our souls, we begin to live the healing. Read that sentence again: As we begin to care for our souls, we begin to live the healing. That’s right—we live our own healing. We begin to participate in our own transformation.We live the healing and cure our “dis-ease” when we embrace our souls and understand our souls. I was late to this realization. Earlier in my work, life was about my work; accomplishments, growth and so much more. Now, I am asking myself: Where did all that inner drive really come from? From a good place—or an unhealthy place? In my case, much of my drive was unharnessed—unredeemed—full out unbridled passion which resulted in way too much space in my marriage; what too much disconnect in my body—because I drove my body rather than cared for the physical address of my soul—which is what our bodies actually are.Soul Care begins with what I call a “dip stick” test. When you check the oil levels in your car, we pull out the dip stick and that stick actually reveals what is happening inside. My problem, like so many of you may be, that I never really knew I could do a “dip-stick” test on my soul. I had to learn to ask this one question: How am I doing WITH WHAT I am doing? I could quickly tell people what I was up to, but I did not have the self awareness to reflect on what was happening inside of me as I was going about my 90 mile an hour life. Soul Care begins with this question. Ask yourself, “How am I doing with what I am doing?” and you’ll find yourself slowing waking from a sleepy existence—an intoxication—that many of us have to go through some form or de-tox in order to re-gain what we have lost—our souls.I hope you'll consider joining Gwen and I in a way to care for our souls. We've just completed a brand new way to learn about soul care. It's called: Soul Care 101. It's a series of 8 conversations that we filmed at our retreat in Colorado.  We're providing the notes to our talks and a study guide where you can dig in and learn more about what we call the great themes of caring for your soul.  Soul Care 101 will be available in three exciting ways: 1) DVD's where you can watch as you can; when you can, wherever you are and learn.  2) Streaming from the Web--from anywhere in the world  3) An online class which will be limited to 25 people beginning in September 2016.  Stay tuned for more information and the actual release of this new and exciting way to learn. 

Spiritual Tourism and the Care of the Soul

   Soul Care is NOT spiritual tourism! We've all probably said these things:I got the book—but I never read it.I did a retreat once—but that was a long time ago.I heard about solitude—but I am too busy to do it.I’m too busy—I can’t find any time for myself.I tried silence—but didn’t like what I heard in my own head. So I quit.I keep going—because I don’t want to look inside—it’s too scary.I always wear ear buds—I don’t like to be quiet.I’m tired and worn out but have not stopped to consider what my weariness is doing to those I love; live with and work with.Most people know the joy of being a tourist for a few days. We work hard all year so the anticipation of taking some time off to go visit the beach; do an overnight in the mountains; swim in a stream; linger in a chair under a tree or sleep in late…finally. We like to visit places that give us the chance to have a break from the routine—to mix life up a little. We like to visit different places hoping that by a visit—by being a sort of tourist there will be some reward. What could be wrong with that?  There's nothing wrong with get-a-ways and taking trips. But...I know people that say when coming back from a 7 day trip to somewhere, “I ‘did’ Europe.” Or “We did Italy.” They are saying to us, they visited a few places, drank a bottle of wine; walked into too many smelly museums and perhaps enjoyed a pizza under some multi-colored umbrella in a sidewalk cafe. But ask any Italian if they “did” Italy. They’d laugh you off your chair.Spiritual Tourism works much the same way as “doing” a national park; another country such as Cuba—the new, hot destination of all destinations or eating at a new, trendy restaurant. We think we’ve “done” it simply because we crossed a border or spent the night in a small hotel. You may stick your toe into a new place but does that mean you’ve actually experienced the beauty; witnessed the culture and tasted something so different you feel as if you’ll never be the same again? Spiritual Tourism is akin to church hopping; hearing speakers as a fetish; doing the latest fads and applying all the latest tips and techniques offered by so many these days. It's like listening to lots of podcasts and flipping through a whole lot of books without every really digesting what is being shared. It's skimming. It's doing Europe in 7 days and believing that you've actually "been there and done that!"The more I hear people catching on to the phrase “soul care”—the more I see a tendency to witness people treating caring for their soul like a place you visit once or twice—if you’re lucky---but you certainly can’t stay there too long. After all, there is work to be done; tasked to be checked off; quotas to be met; benchmarks to be realized. Whose got time to care for their soul when the ship is going down; people are suffering and there’s money to be made? Here's the deal: [tweetthis] Soul Care is NOT spiritual tourism![/tweetthis]Soul Care is not a box you check. Soul Care is not an event you attend. It is not a message you hear about and assume you’ve “got it.” Soul Care is not a place you visit.Caring for your soul is altering the entire way you look at life—live your life—and find contentment within you never knew was possible. Soul Care is a whole “other” way to view life and faith. It is integrating all of life into one whole life—not trying to spin the plates to keep everything in life afloat. I'd highly recommend you get and read one of my books to help you explore what Soul Care is and what Soul Care is NOT. Soul Custody    At Potter’s Inn, we expose people to this whole other way of doing life and we train they how to practice the care of their soul with tools and practices that are not modern, new or rocket science. People learn that soul care is not a place you tour. It is not a book you read once and then move on to the next exciting thing. It is a way of life that fosters life within and resilience without.Soul Care is not an “add on” to one’s faith. It is not a pill you swallow. It is not a luxury that only a few people can experience. It is not tied to geography of the mountains or the beach. It is practiced in urban and crowded settings as well as vast, barren landscapes. The place that matters is within—the heart that the wisest of all human beings said, “Guard your heart for within flows the wellspring of life (Prov. 4:23). Where there is desert within and no wellspring…there is need for soul care. Soul Care is learning to guard your heart; keep your soul and strengthen your soul. Caring for your soul is requires a waking up—an awakening to this simple truth: there is something more to life than making more bricks with less straw.   All of us feel the tyranny of the urgent to do more with less. But caring for your soul is most often about doing less than doing more—that’s the paradigm shift you embrace when caring for your soul.I'll be expanding on these thoughts in upcoming blogs! 

---

 Soul Care 101:  Spiritual Conversations by the Crackling Fire A Unique new learning experience is coming soon! In today’s fast moving world, there is a “dis-ease” within us: hurry sickness, being always on and always available; competing demands and being over-committed. We’re tired, worn out and burned out on religion. We struggle to care for others and while abandoning our own health.Soul Care establishes care for one’s soul so that we can then care for others. Caring for your soul is never a selfish act. As we care for our own soul, we find that we are then able to give, serve and extend ourselves without burning out or living with a perpetual state of exhaustion. Soul Care is a practice we can enjoy that helps us foster a sense of vitality, resiliency; and a deeper spiritual journey.Soul Care 101: Spiritual Conversations by the Crackling Fire is an easy to use; go at your own pace, learn individually or in a group resource led by Stephen and Gwen Smith of Potter’s Inn Ministry. Stephen and Gwen lead us in eight engaging conversations about soul care. Set in the beautiful retreat called Potter’s Inn at Aspen Ridge in Colorado, the fireplace conversations provide a place for us to explore some of the great foundational themes of caring for our souls.  Each session includes a 15 minute video talk by Steve and Gwen Smith; notes for you to use of the actual talk itself and a study guide with questions to help you explore the subject.  Soul Care 101 will require the use of Embracing Soul Care; The Jesus Life,  Soul Custody and Inside Job all by Stephen W. Smith.  All these books are available as E books or you can purchase them when you order Soul Care 101.Here’s an overview of the sessions:Soul Care 101: Spiritual Conversations by the Crackling FireSession 1: Understanding Soul CareSession 2: The Anatomy of the SoulSession 3: Rhythm and Caring for your SoulSession 4: Jesus’ Model for RhythmSession 5: Core Questions: Am I Loved?Session 6: Core Questions: Am I Safe? Do I Belong?Session 7: God’s Design for our DilemmaSession 8: Four Pillars of Sabbath Keeping Soul Care 101 will be available in three options: 

1. An on line webinar with homework and group discussion.  Individual Spiritual Direction with Steve or Gwen. LIMITED to 20 people.
2. DVD's. You'll be able to purchase DVDs and have the entire series along with the notes and study guides.
3. Streaming. You'll be able to stream wherever you are/as you can and work through Soul Care 101.

Keep watching for the release-- July 1 is our goal!   

The Care of the Soul

The care of the soul is not a program to be mastered; not an agenda to be followed; not a curriculum in which we advance. The care of the soul is a way of life—a way taught by Jesus, followed by the early church, practiced in communities in the mid centuries and almost entirely forgotten and neglected by the modern church today.This way of life is a clarion call to pay attention to God in the world and in your own life. Soul Care is about awakening to what really matters in life—far, far more than monetary success, personal achievement and individual significance. The more modern we become, the more likely we are to both forget and ignore the old, ancient ways that we see in the Scriptures. In today’s world, we value the fast and swift; the busy and the one who can multi-task efficiently; the strong and convincing.  By returning to our roots, we find a whole, other way to live--a way the ancients knew and practiced--a way that brought them life in the midst of trials and tribulation. We need this hope today, don't we?Our souls are in need of great care because there is great violence happening in the world today and great violence in our inner lives. The world seems so thin—so much turmoil—so much disturbing us. We seem on the brink of war with so many. Our inner worlds are in turmoil too! We’ve become over-medicated; over stimulated and over committed. We can’t do it all. We can’t keep up. We’re not sleeping well anymore and there always seems to be a committee meeting happening in our minds when we try to be silent.  The expectations we care in our minds about our work, marriage, money, relationships and witness to the world can sink us. They are heavy, often conflicting with one another and sometimes confusing. We need help.[tweetthis]The care of the soul is a non-linear, fluid and kinder way of life.[/tweetthis] Soul Care has a predictable movement which involves these developments:- an awakening that we need to tend to our inner life.- a confession that we can’t do this on our own and that we need help.- a humility to become a beginner in something we’ve never been good at but need to master.- a guide to show us the way forward.Perhaps we need to just stop here and say that the reason why there is so much resistance to the care of the soul is because we are not really good at all at: awakening, confessing, being humble and realizing we need a guide. Our culture has shaped us into almost the exact opposite of each of these postures of the heart. We have been led to believe we are already the enlightened ones. We have no need of confessing anything because we feel we have not done anything wrong. We are stiff-necked not bowing to anything or anyone. Thinking that we are the real trail blazers we have no need of guide because there is simply no time to ask anyone for guidance.Caring for the soul is seen first and foremost in the life and teachings of Jesus, himself. Since he said, “I am the way…” we would do ourselves some good here if we remembered that the first followers of Jesus never called themselves “Christians.” They referred to themselves as the “followers of the way.” This is mentioned five times in the book of Acts alone.I’m sorry that the church, in general, is not much help here. Addicted to programs, attendance and performance, we must return to the ancient ways to find our own ways of doing our life. I lament this so often as I travel, experience and witness the unfolding of our American attempt to be the church.  Personally, I feel like we are on thin ice with our smoke machines, performance driven ways and spectator like methods of worship.  I'm so thrilled to share a new and just released resource with you here. Our friends, Mark and Carrie Tedder have now released a way for house churches, missionaries, those who travel; those who can't go to church--a new way to worship. It's called, "Scattered and Small" and you can view it here. It's a way to worship without the frills and trappings and for those who might want intimate, small and more reflective.  I am thrilled to discover churches that embrace the care of the soul for the sake of others as a basic tenet of their life. I'm so glad to say, I know of many and lift of the chalice of my life to greet their life.Throughout the history of our faith, individual men and women have stood up and stood against the tide of culture defining our faith and how to do our faith. Throughout time, there have always been individual voices beckoning us this way or that way and a part of caring for your soul is listening to the voices who speak with authority, clarity and conviction.  Perhaps, you might decide to start reading books published 100 years ago–for in these pages, you will find a more distilled voice–a voice that we can benefit from in today's modern world. Ancient wisdom still lives today and helps us today.Potter’s Inn is a resource to individuals who seek to care for their soul and then offer that same care to others. Our Aspen Ridge Retreat is a place people can come to be trained, receive guidance from our trained spiritual guides, and explore more resources we offer.To get started or to continue in the journey of caring for your soul, I’d like to suggest the following places to dig in:

1. Get and read, Embracing Soul Care and do a daily reading. Use it as couples, in small groups, with a friend or alone. There are short entries to grasp some new thinking. Also, consider reading Soul Custody. Use this as a guide because there is a short study at the end of each chapter.
2. Consider having a spiritual guide—a spiritual friend where you can enjoy conversations that are deep; life-giving and healing. At Potter’s Inn, we offer this through Skype, but also in person at the retreat.
3. Attend a retreat this coming year. Consider the Potter’s Inn hallmark retreat: The Soul Care Experience. It’s a five-day, guided retreat covering the life-giving themes of soul care. The May 2016 is almost full but there is room in the fall retreat in October.
4. Consider the Soul Care Institute, which is a two-year, cohort modeled training initiative led by seasoned veterans in the field of soul care.

Caring for your soul is a spiritual journey that has tremendous benefits for our physical life, our human bodies and minds–who always seem to beg for more!  It is a journey of the heart and mind, where a place of convergence begins to flow onward and inward.Blessings as you move onward and inward in the care of your soul this year!