In January 2017, I decided to invest an entire year of my life on the journey in discernment (doing the Ignatian Exercises). I found myself at a critical crossroad. My work, my marriage, my heart needed attention and care. The future felt looming and did not excite me.I decided to do an ancient, year long, proven way of deepening my own heart and experience with God that helped me; renewed my heart and is rekindling love in my marriage. I think I've morphed into a new place; a new space and a new way of living my life and expressing my faith.I did this because:
as I aged—my answers and boxes were not working or fitting me or others anymore. Old paradigms were crumbling. I was de-constructing.
as I worked and poured my life into others—I needed to be poured into;
as my marriage also aged, we both saw thin spots-- with sounds of the ice cracking around us. We needed deep renewal and rekindling or we would not end well. We were not coupling well. We admitted that something was wrong.
as I contemplated my future being relatively healthy, yet acknowledging my inner weariness—I needed to find some answers about my next stage.
I needed to find some answers to questions that seemed to have plagued me nearly all of my life. I felt unsettled in thinking about repositioning my life but unsure how to do what I wanted to do.
Motivated by these questions and certain disillusioning events that had happened in a key staff relationship at my work, I felt like I was at my end. I well recall telling our Board, “I’m done. I cannot go on. I’ve hit a wall and I will not recover from this impact.”Read more