Embracing the Winter of our Lives

It's the morning after a blizzard here in Colorado. It’s winter... not spring; not summer and not the time to do the things one does in the long day’s of summer.

So many of us simply will not embrace the ecclesiastical seasons of our lives. We are told plainly that, "There is a season for everything"...a time for this and a time for that...( Ecc. 3:1)But, many us are still trying to do everything at the same time--and I mean everything now. This leaves us breathless. This leaves us empty. This leaves us exhausted. We simply can't do everything now.

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Letting Go--the Sacred Art of Surrender

There is more to life than gaining; than the amassing of things; of collecting the sentimental stuff of our lives. There is clutter around us and clutter within our souls. The four quadrants of our hearts seems so filled that some days we cannot breathe or at least breathe easy.We collect our degrees and proudly hang them on our walls not thinking the paper with our names inscribed will one day burn. We amass our pedigrees of knowledge yet to realize that our brain cells are dying and cannot be sustained in the long haul of life. Some of us have collected trophies, people, wealth and experiences. It is in these deeply held things that have filled our hearts that we must practice the sacred art of surrender.  To let go and to learn to let go is a necessary passage. As we age in life, we find that every day it seems we must pass through that narrow gate. It really is narrow you know and thinking like this may show you how narrow it really is. Try as you might to deny this and it will not serve you well.Our clothes and our children; our homes and our desks; our influence and impact will one day need to be examined. While some things are easy to lay down of in life, others we find, deeply rooted in our souls. We are enmeshed in our roles; tangled in our souls and we can’t find an ending because there have been far too many beginnings for some of us. What lies within is what is the hardest to surrender. It is within, in the secret places of our fourth quadrant where so much stuff lies. Jesus said so and I believe him on this.Just like the octopus whose arms clutch, grab, hoard and cling, the soul –every soul will learn—whether invited or jarred—to learn the sacred art of surrender. We simply cannot hold onto all our treasures. The news so tragic this week has a lesson for us all.  Those who went only to worship did not know this week that they would sing no more on this earth. Those that went to dance to music did not know they would never take another step on this earth. Crisis and tragedy stand daily in our faces to help us awaken, though we so often seem to sleep through so much of this needed lesson.When I held my first born son—then my second, third and fourth—I did not know then what I know now. I will have to let them go—let them find their own way in this path of cul-de-sacs, dead ends, vistas and the grandeur of the adventure. I will lay down my voice in their lives and their voice will be their own. I am seeing it now as I see the sun rise and set every morning. Aren’t you?Some of us have had to let go far too early—too soon in our own estimation of how life should work. An untimely ending—a divorce—a tragic and quick illness or a long, slow good by to our loved one with dementia.  We learn in such times that nothing—absolutely nothing on this planet we call home, is forever.   Such good-byes prepare us and teach us about all that is important that we never want to let go of in this dear, fragile life of ours.Work, for many of us, is that place where we find our identity. Yet, when the lay off comes, the business closes its doors or we age "out", we awaken that our identity is really not in our labor at all—though we hear the daily chanting that “we ARE what we do.” Hopefully, we awaken to the lie that this worldly proverb has teased us into believing. Yet our work, is for some of us,that great battle ground where the inner civil wars rumble through the night in our souls. The cannon balls hurl such lies at us in the dark hours. We may succeed in a nightly skirmish in thinking we see the way forward now, only to be enveloped in a great cloud of unknowing and feel so terribly lost.  To let go is a process, isn't it? It takes time--perhaps even a life time or more until we know what we could not learn earlier in our lives.One day, each of us will lay down our breath. We will surrender the breath that keeps us alive. Our breath will stop and this life will be over---this life of amassing; this life of feeling so important—so needed—so valuable. Every time we let go of a small thing in life—give away a box of old clothes, sort through the shelves of our closets or reassess who our real friends are—we are practicing for this final surrender and laying down of our sacred breath within.   And with this practice, we find that fear is assuaged and angst is cured. As we practice our letting go, we practice our new beginning--a new beginning that is lighter, more free and one that is truly life indeed.There is a time for keeping and there is a time of giving it away. There is a time for the harvest, but there is in a healthy rhythm a time of embracing the fall of our lives. I have found this true in my marriage; in my fathering and in my work. Try as I may to sustain a springtime of something—it simply cannot work. And it was not suppose to work. It is a fabricated and American lie to believe otherwise. Other people who are more tied to the land and nature have learned what we still need to know. There is a rhythm to everything and everything that is truly alive lives in a rhythm.Our body holds the stress of all our years. Every wrinkle is a folding of our skin that simply needs to droop now. If you are smiling as you read this, then you already know this deep lesson. If you are angry because I have said this, then a lesson is just ahead to be learned for you. All will learn this lesson one way or the other. Some now and some later but no one will escape the lesson of letting go. What was once vibrant, strong and full of vigor will give way to a new season—a new opportunity to awaken to what is happening in me, to me and through me now. This, I think is wisdom.Wisdom is an essential element of surrender. It is ignorance and foolishness to believe otherwise. We are told in the ancient text to “Teach us to number our days…” because it is in numbering our days that we realize how precious life really is and not the things we have brought along with us. It is just smart to know that we are but dust and to the dust we will all return. It is not depressing to face such a fact. It is our invitation to relish in every breath we have—while we have breath. To view life this way helps us live in the present and not just hoping for a better day ahead.In this deep interior space of letting go, something else happens.  Freedom.  Interior and soulful freedom. There is an emancipation which we feel rising up within us that we may one day soon, be truly "free at last" and this freedom is now, so oddly different than we ever first imagined.  It is the liberty within to not have to be so responsible; so on time; so efficient; so exhausted; to always have to do it right and to be attentive to everyone else.Now is our time to be gracious with ourselves--a graciousness there was not room for in our hearts for self-compassion perhaps. Before we may have been too pre-occupied--to strategic--too obsessed.  To let go is to embrace a sense of reserve within---not that we might be withholding-- but a sense that we are now aware of what wisdom,has all along been wanting to teach us. Could it be that our new found reserve is really the best?  A Prayer of Letting Goby Stephen W. Smith O Lord, I have ten fingers and two hands to clinch, clutch and catch.Teach me, that as I learn to relax my grip that you are there to now hold me firm.How can it be, O Lord that in letting go I will be grasped by you?If I can let go, will you really hold me in my free fall? There are many things for me to lay down. Too many, in fact to list in such a prayer.Must I confess my list every single day?My heart has many rooms where clutter has filled its hallowed spaces.Teach me, O Lord to release.Teach me to relax my white knuckled fists of all of this holding on. Jesus, when you said upon your last breath that you were letting go of your final breath on that rugged cross, help me to pray what you did:“Into your hands I commit my spirit.” Sweet surrender. Sweet indeed.Give me the assurance as I let go of so much that your hands really are present for me. I have this unspoken fear, you see God, that if I let go, I will be so coldly alone.I think you know that feeling. For, look at all you have let go of to love me.The sacred art of letting go is my daily act of surrender.My wants, my needs, my desires even—all must be laid down. All to Jesus, I surrender then. All to him I gladly give. Amen.

Some Resources to Help Us Discern

I"m so greatly encouraged that so many of you have emailed or left comments about me sharing my own personal journey of discernment.I thought I would share here some collected resources: prayers, poems, etc that I'm using that you may want to consider also.  Would you mind sharing in the comment section of the blog any other resources you've found helpful---those that offer light and insight; those prayers that you find yourself saying again and again and I'll add to this list.  Let's build this together.  Songs, books, etc.  Let's help each other here, OK?  Again, leave your suggestions here so we can watch the list build.Things I've written on the blog, can be easily accessed by scrolling up and down the blog entries.Finally, Would you consider to "Share" this post on your Facebook, Twitter or Instagram, etc post as so many are searching for answers.  Here are a few of mine:For a New Beginningby John O’DonohueIn out-of-the-way places of the heart,Where your thoughts never think to wander,This beginning has been quietly forming,Waiting until you were ready to emerge.For a long time it has watched your desire,Feeling the emptiness growing inside you,Noticing how you willed yourself on,Still unable to leave what you had outgrown.It watched you play with the seduction of safetyAnd the gray promises that sameness whispered,Heard the waves of turmoil rise and relent,Wondered would you always live like this.Then the delight, when your courage kindled,And out you stepped onto new ground,Your eyes young again with energy and dream,A path of plenitude opening before you.Though your destination is not yet clearYou can trust the promise of this opening;Unfurl yourself into the grace of beginningThat is at one with your life’s desire.Awaken your spirit to adventure;Hold nothing back, learn to find ease in risk;Soon you will be home in a new rhythm,For your soul senses the world that awaits you. -----------------------------------------------------Harrowing by Parker Palmer The plow has savaged this sweet fieldMisshapen clods of earth kicked upRocks and twisted roots exposed to viewLast year’s growth demolished by the blade.I have plowed my life this wayTurned over a whole historyLooking for the roots of what went wrongUntil my face is ravaged, furrowed, scared.Enough.  The job is done.Whatever’s been uprooted, let it beSeedbed for the growing that’s to comeI plowed to unearth last year’s reasons—The farmer plows to plant a greening season. ----------------------------------------For RetirementBy John O’Donohue This is where your life has arrived,After all the years of effort and toil;Look back with graciousness and thanksOn all your great and quiet achievements.You stand on the shore of new invitationTo open your life towhat is left undone;Let your heart enjoy a different rhythmWhen drawn to the wonder of other horizons.Have the courage for a new approach to time;Allow it to slow until you find freedomTo draw alongside the mystery you holdAnd befriend your own beauty of soul.Now is the time to enjoy your heart’s desire,To live the dreams you’ve waited for,To awaken the depths beyond your workAnd enter into your infinite source.------------------------------------------- Disturb Us, O Lord by Sir Francis Drake Disturb us, Lord, whenWe are too pleased with ourselves,When our dreams have come trueBecause we dreamed too little,When we arrived safelyBecause we sailed too close to the shore.Disturb us, Lord, whenWith the abundance of things we possessWe have lost our thirstFor the waters of life;Having fallen in love with life,We have ceased to dream of eternityAnd in our efforts to build a new earth,We have allowed our visionOf the new Heaven to dim.Disturb us, Lord, to dare more boldly,To venture on wilder seasWhere storms will show Your mastery;Where losing sight of land,We shall find the stars.We ask you to push backThe horizons of our hopes;And to push back the futureIn strength, courage, hope, and love.This we ask in the name of our Captain,Who is Jesus Christ. --------------------------------------------------A Prayer by Thomas MertonMY LORD GOD, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it. Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone. 

The Journey of Discernment: Moving from Partly Cloudy to Clarity

How can we ever know God’s will? This has been a question people have muddled through for centuries. Our angst comes when we are faced with a particular conundrum—a dilemma of competing choices that impacts us personally. We need to make a decision but it feels more dark than light; more cloudy than clear. We live in the mud rather than experiencing a break-through. We want to know--but just can't figure it out with certainty.Should I marry this person? Should I take this job or that job?   Should we move to another city or stay put here? Should I retire or keep working? These questions force us to stop and think through a particular cross-road in life before we move on to acting. It’s those of us who have the tendency to bulldoze our way through doorways of possibility that get into trouble. People have regrets and have to live with regrets.Just last week when I was speaking to a group of business leaders, a man in his 70’s came up to me and said, “I’ve been reading your blogs. I have one thing to say, “Don’t retire. It’s the greatest mistake of my life. I should have never stopped working.” I was stunned to hear him say this but realized that his comments were really an invitation for me to pray more about my decision ahead. It was a signal to think very carefully about my own decision to “reposition” (read the blog I wrote about 'repositioning or retiring) myself. When we make quick decisions, we come to realize that we would have done better and been better had we thought the decision through more deeply.Discernment comes from the Greek word, “diakrisis,” which translated means “to separate” or “to sift through.” We need to learn how to “do” discernment because so many of us want the answers and we want to know on our timetable. It's like we have in our psyche, the erroneous idea that major decisions can be made in 15 minutes or less--then announced--then followed.  Discernment is a lost practice in today's quick world of quick answers and living by Twitter.  It's as if, we want to know God's will but want it sent in 140 characters. We are more shaped by our culture than truth and when it comes to making good decisions, we need to exercise great caution. We want to be able to “sort through” experiences, lists of pros and cons, strengths and weaknesses and then come to a conclusion based on our reason, logic or gut.  Spiritual discernment does not offer us easy answers but invites us into a process of laying down what we thought and how we thought good decisions are made to a journey--a journey of discernment.I am being cautious because, I have spent a life-time building what is my work. A wrong decision could be disastrous and impact people I love and care for a great deal.  I am a "founder" meaning that I have pioneered this work along side of Gwen and there is this disease called, "founder-itis" that I know I have. This disease says, "It's hard to let go of what you started." I'm in a process of working through laying down and repositioning. Some of you are as well.It is my observation that men, in particular find it hard to lay down their work.  Perhaps this is a part of our curse.  Our work gives validation, significance and love, to be honest.  And as a man ages, perhaps some women as well, it is just plain hard to lay down our work. So we choose mantras like, "I'll die with my boots on.But the journey of discernment is not just a left-brain exercise. When may seem linear and logical may not be very spiritual. This journey is moving from a Western mindset of “figuring out” a way to go forward to developing a posture of listening. It is moving away from needing to know—to needing to be in the presence of God. This is the all-important shift we need to make in learning to discern and I needed to shift my own need to know—to learning to be with God to listen—to listen to His voice and to listen to my own true self telling me what door is right.As I entered my 60’s , I began to notice more clouds than clarity. I remember having great clarity in my 50's. But almost on my entree to my next decade of life, the clouds came and the sun seemed to go away and hide. Things, that I once felt sure of seemed to be shifting to a certain unknowing. I suppose I thought that in time that I things would clear themselves up. But after a couple of years of walking in the forest more than in the light, I knew I needed something—or someone to help me. Confusion, lack of peace and anxiety bubbled up within me—more than at any other time in my life or work. For the first time in my life, waves of depression would wash over me leaving me lifeless and limp.  Finally, the straw that broke the camel's back happened on our Staff Team, when a key staff person resigned leaving it back on my shoulders. I was losing confidence. I was losing my grip that I knew I needed to have as a leader, founder and guide to many others. I knew I needed help. I needed a companion to walk with me through the clouds and into more clarity.An Intentional Journey of DiscernmentFor ten months now, I have been on an intentional journey of discernment. I chose to engage an ancient retreat method where I would slow down my need to know the future and enter into a long, slow, season of prayer where I would learn how to listen. I would learn how to listen to God. I would learn how to listen to my own heart and my own desires. I would learn how to distinguish the movements of God within my own four-quadrant heart and notice God moving me forward and through darkness to more clarity.So, I chose a trained, seasoned veteran of such things. I began to work with someone out of my box—out of my comfort zone—out of my normal way of thinking through things.  I had grown tired of groups, denominations and labels of people who think they know everything and have their act together.  Such arrogance and pride disturbed me greatly.  I became suspicious actually and wanted help in a different way--a way no one in my circles was talking about. I needed something more that a 10 week Bible study on ‘Knowing the Will of God.” I had done those kind of attempts and led those studies. This felt more raw for me. It feel more desperate. I was thirsty to really know and I needed to enter my thirst and not allow my thirst to be quenched by anyone or anything else.My Guide and My JourneyI chose to walk with a man who was trained in Ignatian Spirituality and someone who knew how to walk with someone who was a bit lost in the woods and couldn’t find his way out. I learned the old, ancient, tried and proven ways of listening to God’s voice within me. I began to distinguish and sift through the confusing feelings of self-preoccupation, worry and anxiety to the more trusted ways of experiencing a deep sense of peace, shalom and well-being. I began praying—every day for an hour—something that I had never really done before because I considered myself to be too busy and too involved—perhaps even too important. In this hour, I would listen to God in all of my life and as I practiced this, I became more comfortable with the process—even to the point of noticing a marked shift in me: I wanted to have this time. I needed to have this time. I wanted a God-listening heart.Then I went and sat in this person’s office every Wednesday at 4:00pm to talk and process together about what was happening in me and around me. With no doubt, this is the deepest journey I've ever walked to date and I have been so helped through my own rawness and clouds to a great sense of well-being. I am so glad to say, that I have moved from being partly-cloudy and into more light. It’s been like a parting in the woods where I found my path to walk in more light than I though possible. The result has been all gain and no loss. I’m still in this process at this very moment however and have not been “released” or “graduated.” I don’t think I will ever be graduated now that I am learning how to listen more deeply than ever before. I don’t want to be released from what I know now to be so true and so deeply meaningful. It’s a big shift for me to quit thinking of “moving on” or moving to the next thing to simply relaxing and staying in this posture of heart muscle that I have been exercising for these past ten months.A God-Listening Heart is Actually Possible!When King David of Israel had died, his son Solomon had a dream where God came and said to Solomon that he, God, would given him anything he wanted. Read the text for itself and see how Solomon responded:“And now here I am: God, my God, you have made me, your servant, ruler of the kingdom in place of David my father. I’m too young for this, a mere child! I don’t know the ropes, hardly know the ‘ins’ and ‘outs’ of this job. And here I am, set down in the middle of the people you’ve chosen, a great people—far too many to ever count.“Here’s what I want: Give me a God-listening heart so I can lead your people well, discerning the difference between good and evil. For who on their own is capable of leading your glorious people?”--I Kings 3:7-9, the Message.Solomon wanted a “God-listening heart.” As I have spent this year in discernment, I am realizing, perhaps more than ever before that I, too, want a God-listening heart. I need that kind of heart. I needed to move away from all I knew and amassed to be a beginner again in the deeper ways of God's Kingdom.I want to live believing that God still speaks—still has important messages to convey to me and I want to not be so busy, so involved, so committed that I can’t listen. Henri Nouwen reminds us that when life begins to feel absurd, we are losing our ability to listen to God. The root word in Latin for “absurdity” is deafness.  Life doesn't make sense anymore when we are deaf to the Voice of God. When we’re deaf to God, life feels absurd. We grown in cynicism, suspicion and are prone to burnout. I see this all the time in my work with leaders in the church and the marketplace.The once soft hearts for God have been hardened and calloused by disappointment, disillusionment and private despair. I say private because where does a leader go these days to confess their own despair at what is happening in the world today?  We all need such places to keep soft and impressionable hearts. This is what a major part of soul care is—to keep a soft, pliable, malleable heart and soul in the midst of such stress, angst and world-wide despair.When Benedict of Nursia began his humble attempt to form Christian communities after the fall of Rome, in the 5th century, he wrote to all his would-be monks, that the first rule to live by is this: “Listen with the ears of your heart.” In our world today, we are clamored with so much inner noise of shame, blame, quilt and self-talk that we can’t hear the truth.  We can't hear the Voice. It's all buzzing sounds. It’s also noisy on the outside: meetings, traffic, emails, Twitter and text. We barely have time to make sense of anything anymore.  Whoever speaks today of the ears of your heart?  That's the kind of language that captured me and still does. It is the language Solomon wanted. It is the reality I have witnessed in thirsty souls who simply want more than easy answers to pressing dilemmas.When we feel the need to move from the cloudy days of life and experience more clarity and inner freedom, this journey begins with learning to listen—trusting that the God who made us in His own image and who loves us, wants to speak with us.It’s a very big year for me. And this will be an important year in the ministry of Potter’s Inn that Gwen and I founded 17 years ago. As I begin to “reposition” this will mean that Potter’s Inn will be impacted and influenced. So I want to be careful. I want to be wise. I want to know that I do have a “God-listening heart.”It’s important when we make decisions to allow affirmation to come. Every affirmation is really an important re-enforcement that we are on the right track—that the pathway we now see with light and clarity is, indeed right. So, I have asked the Board of Potter’s Inn to join me in a “Day of Discernment.” We have asked a Benedictine Monk to spend a day with us as a Board to do group discernment. I’m excited because our Board enthusiastically agreed to have this day retreat and all look forward to this time coming up soon. We will spend a day together in the collective posture of having a “God-listening hearts” to discern—to sift—to separate the many options to seeing greater clarity the way God has for us to walk—and to walk together. It is always a comfort to walk with a few other people when making decisions gaining insight, wisdom and perspective and above all trusting the wonderful process of building authentic community with a few other people.Pray for us in the days and weeks ahead, would you?  Please continue to pray for Gwen and me in the journey ahead--the journey of discernment.Here are some trusted books I'd recommend on discernment:The Jesuit Guide to Almost Everything by James Martin. Martin gives several chapters that are outstanding to discernment.Seeking God Together by Alice Fryling   

Why Resolutions are Important and Needed!

Anchors give protection, security and safety. So do resolutions!Resolutions are like anchors for a ship.  The anchors are used to prevent a ship from crashing into dangerous reefs and obstacles.  They are instruments providing safety and security.  Making resolutions for the New Year can become anchoring statements--words of absolute resolve--palpitations of your inner desires--spoken, made public and concise.When I look back on my life--almost every good thing that has happened to me, has resulted of formulating these anchor resolutions.  Once I resolved to buy a "little cabin the the woods."  When we did buy the cabin tucked in the North Carolina mountains--that cabin became the respite my soul was literally dying for--it also became the prototype for Potter's Inn--as we know it today.  I made other resolutions in years past about my weight; my fractured relationships and my marriage.  Some have become so life transforming that I now shutter to think of what my life would have become--had I not found anchor resolutions to give me hope, resolve and a clear way to move through choppy seas and seasons of my life.  They became for me, more than something I was tethered to. Rather, my resolutions became guiding strands which gave me light in the midst of stormy times and a way to walk through whatever chaos I was finding myself in at that moment.People drift. People crash and people sink.   I've done all three of this---or should I say, I've run onto dry ground; my boat has taken on massive water and I have been in despair. To prevent the unthinkable for us, work on some simple statements which will give you a course to follow; safety from drifting off course and protection from sinking.Here are 6 resolutions you might want to consider working with---making them your own as your move into the New Year. 

  1.  Do something about forgiveness.  For most of us there are remnants of messy, broken and severed relationships.  The lack of forgiveness can take root in us causing us inner stress, mental anguish and relational isolation.  Who is the one person you want to move towards to forgive?  How can you do extend forgiveness.
  2. Do something about your pace of life and stress level.  Most of us feel victims to our clocks and calendars. We resign to surviving as if we can do nothing about the running on empty feeling we experience.  By choosing to move more slowly---how can you resolve to do this:  give intervals between meetings; allow yourself grace time on each side of your commute rather than giving the bare minimum.  The real question I've found that most of us rarely ask ourselves is this: What can I do today that will be life giving.
  3. Give yourself self-compassion.  For those of us in caring professions, we care  for others without giving care to ourselves.  For business leaders, navigating the whitewater of money, success and the fear of going under---what would self-compassion look like?  For the pastor and missionary; counselor and teacher---what can you do each week to give yourself mercy, grace and love?  Remember this, those who give must be given to....
  4. Pay attention to your Spiritual Life.  The spiritual life is not a program to be managed. It is an organic, wide-open journey where we become awake, aware and active in our walk with God . What can you do to attempt to wake up and walk more aware this year?
  5. Embracing the care of your body.  Our bodies are the address of our soul. The care of our soul is directly linked to the care of our body.  Rather than set big, unattainable, unrealistic and unachievable goals, mark a path where you can realize a movement in your body care like this:  Rather than make a "D" in my body care, I want to achieve a "B".  Only a few of us will ever get an "A" here. I'm certainly not one of those. But making a "B" is to live with this:  I feel good about how I am treating my body.  Good is better than poor.
  6. Unplug from technology.  I've found in working with leaders in the marketplace and ministry that being wired has become the #1 threat to their resilience. They are slaved; tethered to little machines. Make a resolution to unplug on day a week.  Here's a link to help with this offered through our ministry, Potter's Inn:  Get the UNPLUG Challenge here!

 Let me take this final opportunity to thank those of you who have stood with Gwen and me this past year in the support of Potter's Inn.  Potter's Inn for many, has become an anchor ministry for many around the world.  Your gifts and support make this anchor to happen for people.  It's been a year of expansion and our margins have run thin.  But by your help, we will finish this year strong and in the black--ready to offer an anchor to many who are tossed about on the stormy seas of life.  May God bless us!  May God hold us!  May God have mercy upon us all!Happy New Year---and may this be so! Steve

Feeling divided, exhausted and overwhelmed?

Feel Fragmented? It's become the new "norm" for life? But it doesn't have to be this way!One, if not the leading cause of burnout and living on empty is that we live divided lives. We live as if our life works best according to a silo mentality. A silo mentality is living in a paradigm of life that puts your work life in one silo, your relationships in another silo; your health in a silo and your spiritual life in yet, another silo. Then we try to keep all the silos full.It’s an illusion to live in such a way—to live as if we can spin our plates or fill our silos keeping everything in balance. Living in an illusion is called denial. Denying the truth will not set a person free. There is a better way to live!We have one heart and the heart cannot be divided—or at least we should not attempt to divide our hearts. We have but one soul—and the soul we have been given needs to function as a whole—and not be splintered or fragmented.The word “integration” offers us a way to navigate the swirling whitewater of competing demands and rivaling priorities. When we move forward to integrate our lives, we bring together all the silos—whether they are empty or full and seek to live one life in one way and at the same time. We are not divided. We are not fragmented. We are not spinning plates.The word “integration” means "to engage in the act of combining parts to make a unified whole." The English word for integration is based on the Latin word which means, “renewal.” To live one life—to live in an undivided way is perhaps one of the deepest ways we can experience renewal.As I travel and continue my work with leaders across the spectrum of ministry and the marketplace, the clarion call I continue to hear is this: “There has to be a better way to live—than all of this craziness that I am experiencing. I am more and more concerned. It's as if we are living intoxicated lives--living nightmare and forsaking a life Jesus described that we could actually live. People 50, 100, and 2000 years ago had challenges like we do in our own day.  They did not have the modern "conveniences" we have today such as fast food, email and texting. With all our progress though, we have not figured out a way to live undivided-to live our one life in our one body with our one family and a few friends. We're bankrupt when it comes to how to live life in a better way.[tweetthis]To move towards integrating your life—not managing your silo is the key.[/tweetthis]We get confused and dazed by all the roles we have in life. Many of us wear many hats. We coach a team; serve on a committee; work hard in our jobs and want to love our families well. But ever since the Industrial Revolution and the creation of the light bulb and now technology, we have become intoxicated with the notion of needing to balance our lives. The Industrial Revolution violated any notion of feeling integrated. It was precisely here that we exploited children and yoked them to the yoke to be producers of goods. The light bulb violated natural time and with the dawn of the light bulb, we found we could do even more—become even more productive. We rested less; slept less and enjoyed life less. Technology made us to be always on and always available. Now tethered to gadgets and iphones we are more enslaved and less happy---but more productive.Yet in the 6th century, a man by the name of Benedict of Nursia in Italy, developed a model for how to live an integrated life. He established a certain way or “rule” where he recommended moving through each day in a certain and defined boundary. He took the four basic movements of his expanding community: work, study, prayer and rest and then established defined times that you move into each movement. A bell was used to usher people from their work to their rest. When the bell chimed, people stopped what they were doing—whether they were finished or not and moved to rest. They knew that work is really never, ever done. Work will be there tomorrow. It wasn’t about trying to finish all the tasks. It was about a greater goal…a goal which allowed hard working folks to live in a sustainable rhythm. We've given up bells today. We're always on and always available. We feel empty and live our lives in a quiet sense of desperation. We can do better---and we need to do better because the life you are living now, is the only life you will ever live. You will not get another life; another body; another opportunity to live your life. Now is the time.Today, we have no bells. We are consumed. We are over-worked and over-extended and we live our lives living an exhausted life.To begin to live in a new paradigm will call for a radical shift in how you see time and use time. The goals of life will shift. You will cultivate a new paradigm of your time. Rather than manage your time and time manage you; you will foster a way of life that will include all you really need to do in lifeI often hear from folks in ministry: “I never get to pray or read my Bible as I want.” Their spiritual life feels bankrupt. I often hear from marketplace leaders a sense of feeling breathless and living on “thin ice.”David prayed, “Give me an undivided heart that I may praise your name (Psalm 86:11). He, like so many of us expressed his own desire to live in a sustainable rhythm. He wanted his life to feel like a whole life—not a fragmented life.Ezekiel describes God’s desire for us—that we would live our lives with an undivided heart (Ez 11:19).I’m encouraged that God’s heart for us is to live in an integrated way. It’s just that we have become confused in all of our productivity that we now feel more dead than alive.To live integrated means an awakening to how I treat my body in all I do. To live in a sustainable rhythm means, “Enough. I’ve poured out all day long. I now need to rest. I now need to heed the bell and move to something else—something that can and will replenish me.To live integrated means that you want friends who want this same thing. We need to encourage each other when we see someone stopping and lively sanely.To live integrated means a wake up call for the 21st century church which often lays even more burdens on the shoulders or people than offer them a true sanctuary. The spiritual life may not be about adding MORE to your life---it just may mean, doing less. The modern church must awaken to the spiritual rhythm of Sabbath—a rhythm established by God lived out in the early church. We learn to “cease” (which is the literal definition of Sabbath and give up the foolish notion that we and our jobs are indispensible. Every pastor is really an “interim” leader and will be replaced. The same is true in the marketplace. So, if this is true, why do we feel so yoked to our jobs? There is another way to live that offers us a way to live in a sustainable rhythm and it begins with a new paradigm of integrating your life. Here are some ways you can experiment:

  1. Set you phone to ring at the end of your day and then leave work.
  2. Implement a day a week that is technology free.
  3. Spend more time outside.
  4. Take time between each meeting to reflect and integrate how you are feeling with what you are doing. Give yourself 10 minutes between appointments for example.
  5. Set your iphone to remind you to pray and lift out of your work several times a day. Read a Psalm. Walk in silence.
  6. Make your bedroom a technology free zone for life and rest. Do not sleep with your iphone. Sleep with your spouse!
  7. Do not bring phones to the dinner table. The table is a place of gathering, not updating your status!
  8. Use the Benedictine movements of life (work, rest, study and prayer) and come up with no more than four categories that will define each day.

Questions to explore: 

  1. Is the way your are living your life sustainable?
  2. If you could move towards living an integrated life, what would you week look like?
  3. To explore this more, read Chapter 7 of Inside Job “The Leader’s Rhythm: Exploring the Lie of the Balanced Life.  Order the book here! Get a free chapter and more!

Five Reasons Why I Pray at Fixed Hours of the Day

What do you see in this painting? Take a moment and really "see" what the artist Millet is saying to us!Growing up a Baptist, I never even heard of the Fixed Hour Prayers, the Daily Office or Divine Office until I, like Paul, learned to put aside childish spiritual ways and be a man in my spiritual journey. In my spiritual tradition, spontaneous and heart felt prayers were what was admired. As a boy, I remember my father driving us home from church chiding a fellow deacon because he read his prayer during worship—an act that no one who walked closely with God should ever do. To my father and for me, it was unthinkable that saying a prayer would not be heart-felt, said at the moment and spontaneous.  God forbid! Growing up for many of us in our spiritual lives involves re-thinking or perhaps learning for the first time how important praying is a regular and consistent times of the day.In my long journey now of walking with God, there is no practice I enjoy more and no prayers I like to pray more than old prayers and in addition, in order to live with rhythm and to make space for God in my life, I practice Fixed Hour Prayers or Daily Office as much as I can. Let me explain. Here are five reasons why I do this and you might want to do it also:

  1. Praying at a  regular times of the day is an ancient practice revealed in the Bible.

The prayer book for the early Christians was the Psalms. They prayed the Psalms and knew the psalms and shared the Psalms as their primary source of spiritual encouragement. The Psalmist said, “Seven times a day do I praise thee.” Psalm 119:164. Most pastor and missionaries that I work with rarely pray. Most do not pray with their spouses and few pray as a family. The same is true of marketplace leaders and small business folks. Who has time to pray once, much more SEVEN times a day? Most of us feel fortunate to say a quick prayer before we scarf down our corn flakes or power drink because we need to be on to the next thing.We are too busy to pray. Yet, praying at fixed times of the day is the primary way to call our attention back to God—to become aware and awaken to a different cadence of life than power, money and self-promotion.[tweetthis]Fixed hour prayers call busy and ordinary people to live in a daily rhythm of putting ourselves in the presence of God in a conscious and meaningful way.[/tweetthis]It's called Fixed hour prayers because our spiritual fathers and mothers chose regular and consistent times to come together, drop what they were doing and turn to God. There are several different versions of what times people actually practiced fixed hour prayers but in general, there is a morning time, a noon-time, an end of your work time and a before you go to sleep time.  Of course, people have added to these and subtracted from these.  Some times of prayers are strict such as in monastic communities. Some, like myself, find a more relaxed and less structured way to practice this ancient way of praying. We are much more tolerant and forgiving and we do it as we can and when we can. At our work of Potter's Inn, we do this on our Soul Care Days and in our retreats. Its often the highlight for many guests to first learn about this--then engage in the doing of Fixed Hour prayers. Yet to be honest, we are not all on the same page when it comes to this.  What I can tell you is that this one practice has brought my marriage more together. It has given Gwen and I something we do together which closes the gap between us. It is a simple, non-threatening way to share our hearts and some time.One man at our retreat pulled me aside to say, "You taught me about this years ago. I want you to know that fixed hour praying is the best thing that my wife and I have EVER done in our marriage. It's brought us together in a way I never thought possible."  I hear this alot as people engage in this practice. 

  1. Praying at regular times of the day helps order my day; lessen the chaos and calls me back to what really matters in life.

Like you, I live a full life. My day is full of appointments, meetings and errands. Yet, when I know that my time of prayer is coming, I have the opportunity to stop what I am doing and this stopping is my primary way of structuring my life for what really counts. I stop. I pray. I reflect. I pause. Then I move back into my life. But the stopping and praying orders my internal chaos and loosens the chains I feel when I live by the tyranny of the urgent.  Gwen sets her time of prayers on her iphone. A bell rings and calls her to pause, pray and look up.  We need these reminders. I have some recommendations for you at the end of this blog.The famous painting by the French artist, Jean Francois Millet, “The Angelus” reveals a couple standing in the field, stopping to pray. They have evidently just heard the church bells sound out the chimes that everyone needs to stop. Everyone needs to pray. Everyone needs to lift up their eyes from the working world to their God and say a few words. I love this painting. But without church bells, we have nothing telling us to stop. We have nothing helping us live in rhythm. We have nothing telling us to live for something more than money. Praying at regular, fixed times of the day, gives internal order to a chaotic life.  The collapse of time, where everything is busy and everyone is over-committed is in my opinion the number one reason the wheels of the buses are flying off of our lives and we are collapsing in exhaustion and fatigue---with no time for God or being with God.

  1. I pray the Fixed Hour Prayers because as I pray—I find myself in community.

For me, the most powerful motivation for praying a regular times of the days is this: When I pray at Fixed Hours, I am reminded that I am not alone. But how does this happen? It happens to me because I know that many of my friends across the world are practicing what I am practicing. I begin praying alone but somehow find myself in the midst and company of a holy few--a group of men and women, who like me, are doing what pilgrims have done for thousands of years.I have a close friend who lives in Africa. When I pray at regular times, I know that David is praying—or has already prayed the same and exact prayer I am about to say. I realize that my friend, Fil, who lives in North Carolina has prayed the prayer I am about to say—but he said it in his own time zone which is two hours before me. I also realize that my friend who lives in California will soon be opening up his prayer book and talking to God about the exact same thing I just told God. We come together in prayer and in the praying a gap of time and years is closed.It’s uncanny how this works—but it does work. I have the deepest sense of community by praying at regular times of the day and this mystery is deep, profound and comforting. Every time I pray like this, I am not alone.

  1. I pray at fixed hours because it is easier than not praying at all.

In my work with leaders, you’d be surprised at how man times I hear pastors, missionaries and other Christian leaders who try to do it all well, confess that they rarely, if ever pray. Many will try to have a “quiet time” or will attempt to read the Bible for a few moments. But then an inner committee meeting begins in their heads telling them; shaming them; nagging them to do something more important. So prayer is dropped and their inner life runs a muck.Prayer is perhaps the greatest practice of the spiritual life that people struggle with. The disciples sure struggled with prayer.  Ignorant of how to do it, they pleaded with Jesus, "Teach us to pray."  That same plea, I think, is the private plea of most people I encounter--in the church! We just need help and cannot assume we actually know how to pray; when to pray and what to pray. Fixed hour prayer is a mentor to us.Let me be truthful, we often do not know what to pray or how we should pray. As a result of these two traps, we often do not pray at all. When we follow historic, ancient prayers, we don’t have to make up holy words or try to impress God. We simply say that is right there before our eyes and hearts. We enter a long-standing chorus of men and women who have gone before us that have discovered what I am discovering. Fixed hour prayers really work. Fixed hour prayers really help.

  1. I pray at Fixed hours because Jesus prayed at Fixed hours and so did Paul and Peter and the early church.

A few years back, I wrote the book, “The Jesus Life.” The writing of this  book changed my life. I fell in love with Jesus all over again and I realized that Jesus’ ways of living were really pathways for me to live. The early followers of Jesus were not called Christians but followers of “the way.” We are told this five times in the book of Acts! I believe we modern folks, have lost our way. We’ve traded ancient and proven ways for modern day shortcuts to almost everything in life that is dear to us.Jesus prayed the Psalms. So, it’s this simple. If I want to be like Jesus, I need to pray the Psalms. Knowing that Jesus prayed at regular times of the day motivates me to want to do the same. When I realize that the early church did this, I want to follow in their way. The modern church has lost it's footing here. We have failed people by ignoring this ancient way of talking to God and being with God.Paul and Peter prayed at fixed hours ( Acts 3:2 and 10:9). It’s not odd or weird to realize that as the early followers of Jesus began to embrace and integrate their new way of living that they felt it important to pray at regular times of the day.When I realized this—I was greatly helped. When I read about Daniel who we’ve heard stories about in the lion’s den praying at Fixed hours, I was also encouraged (see Daniel 6:13).I’m afraid, we’ve thrown the baby out with the bath water. In our attempts to accomplish more and to live productive lives, we’ve abandoned ancient spiritual practices that offer us hope and a renewing of our inner life. Fixed hour prayers is one such practice that truly can revolutionize your life. I think you should join me and thousands of others in this practice and just see what you think. I'd like to know your thoughts---your resistance and your celebration of this way of praying! Here are some resources to help you begin or continue the practice of Fixed Hour Prayers. 

  1. Explore a Community in Europe living by FIxed Hour prayers and join them with an APP!
  2. Here's the OnLine Version I used every day- and multiple times and it has an APP also!
  3. Here is the Daily Office produced by Phyliss Tickle and sits by our chairs in our home. We use this far, far more than any other version. It's easy to use and has an excellent Introduction to Fixed Hour Prayers we use at Potter's Inn.

5 Reasons I Still Struggle with Sabbath

When we live a blurred and hurried life, at the core of our busyness is an illusion that kills the life within us!Ever since I was a boy, I heard about the 10 Commandments.  Most of them made sense but one still messes with me until this very day. Here are five reasons I still struggle with Sabbath:

  1. I still believe in the illusion that I don’t need to stop.

As a type “A” personality, I have to face it: Going is better than stopping. Doing more seems more doable than doing less. Pausing, stopping, ceasing and resting are not in my mother tongue’s vocabulary. I speak “Let’s get ‘ur done!” Since working hard was modeled for me as a boy by the men in my life, I absorbed an ethos that I now see, decades later, has wreaked havoc in my soul and done violence to my life by choosing to always to more—not less—at least one day a week. 

  1. I sometimes do not believe in the sovereignty of God.

 When you stop for one day a week, we are given the opportunity to lean into the sovereignty of God. I take my hands off the plow, off the keyboard; off the gear-shift of my high octane life and let go of trying to control my life. Sabbath gives us one day a week to take the hands off of the control shift of our life and to surrender to the spiritual act of letting go. I have to face the fact that in my core, I want control more than I want to let go. To practice letting go—for one day a week—is perhaps an ultimate sign that you really do trust God more than you trust yourself. 

  1. I don’t really believe in my well-being. I believe in my well doing more!

 Doing more always costs us. Always being “on” and always being “available” costs a person their well-being. When we are in our 20’s and 30’s we push and strive. We achieve and perform. In our 40’s we begin to question this credo—yet secretly because we don’t want to be labeled “normal” or average. If we do more, then perhaps we believe, we can finally arrive. But well-being is state of being that requires a day a week to cease; to enjoy—to delight in something other than work and performance. 

  1. It’s easier to work than to rest.

 Keeping a day as a Sabbath is one of the 10 Commandments. God knew from the beginning that we would work, strive and live by the sweat of our brow. So when we practice Sabbath—we are practicing one of the oldest spiritual practices ever given and known to humanity. Just as we are told not to kill, steal and cheat on our spouses, we are told to rest one day a week. To choose to practice Sabbath is to intentionally chose to resist our culture. [tweetthis]Sabbath keeping, for me, is counter cultural as well as counter-intuitive.[/tweetthis] Sabbath keeping does not make sense to so many of us. As we lean into this ancient practice, we soon realize that God’s ways are truly not our ways. We would never cease; never stop; never Sabbath and that is our undoing. It has been my undoing in my life, my fathering and my being a husband. When I practice Sabbath, I am reminding myself “I do not want to be undone any more. “ Sabbath helps me really live. 

  1. Money seems more powerful than trust.

 At the root of Sabbath is the power of mammon—money. God’s intent in helping us rest is to help us put money in perspective. Money is not really everything. Money does not define us when we are burned out and used up. The rival God of the 21st century is money and Sabbath keeping deflates the over-inflated ego of the dollar—no matter what currency you use. When we Sabbath—note I uses this as a verb and not a noun—we live with bigger goals in mind and heart. Money intoxicates the soul. Sabbath puts everything into perspective. When we Sabbath, we live smaller lives and being small, one day a week is a very good thing for the soul.  For more help on Sabbath and living a rhythm of life that sustains you, and doesn't drain you, please get and read Chapter 5 of Inside Job: "Exposing the Lie of Being Balanced." Order the book here and get started!  Order Inside Job and the accompanying workbook here!

Learning to Live in Peace and at Peace

It's a peaceful setting for sure but what about inner peace?Blessed are the peacemakers: they shall be recognized as children of God.—Matthew 5:9 (New Jerusalem Bible)The long, arduous spiritual journey can be summed up this way: All of life—from beginning to end is to be marked by peace. Being at peace is truly a mark of authenticity for those that are on the journey to God. It has taken me many years, several positions in my work and some failed relationships to realize that peace and living at peace is our ultimate goal in life. Where there is no peace--there is no real life.As I look back on my life and through the decades of my journey, seeking peace was not on my list of priorities. I, like so many around me, sought power and control; affection and esteem and security and survival. Family, work and friendship became venues for me to seek what I thought I needed. I thought a position would give me peace. I now see that I was programmed by my culture to live a certain way and that by living in a certain way--I would eventually get what I was searching for in life. I was wrong. I though being liked and accepted would cultivate peace inside. I was wrong. I though finally arriving at a vocational position would offer me all that I really wanted. Again, I was wrong.In this beatitude--this statement of a healthy attitude about life, we again see Jesus defining for us the core truth we can embrace to bring us to experience peace.To think that the heart of God and the intentions of Jesus would be that I could experience peace—the great shalom of God—allows me to re-think everything in my life. That God would seriously desire for me to live at peace and to be at peace opens my heart to God in a deeper way.The Hebrew word for “shalom” means far more than mere peace. Shalom is about our well-being; a state of being that is not at struggle, conflict or discord with ourselves and with other people, institutions, systems or organizations.This kind of well being is cultivated in at least five main ways.

  1. Peace with our past. As we mature, we realize that we have collected bruises, nicks and wounds and each one of these is a part of our story—our narrative. But experiencing peace means that we do not have to be defined by our past or be a victim of our past. Experiencing peace in our past requires knowing the true story of our formation; forgiving those who wronged us and gaining the insight and strength to overcome parts of our story that could have swamped us or sunk us.  As I work with people, I find that it is our past where most of us really need to do the work of being a peacemakers. Something has happened in our past that we seem to get over and we succumb to the power of a past that holds us in its grip rather than being transformed from our past.
  2. Peace with our body. Our bodies are the address of our soul. To survive, forget ahead and compete, we may discover that we have abused our bodies—and may not have honored them. To have peace with our bodies is to accept our physical limitations; to accept our DNA and propensity towards certain physical challenges. To realize that we are what we eat and for the body to be at peace, the body needs the things that will nourish it—not harm it. To be a peace with one's body is to live the healing we so deeply need.  I am 18 months into a journey with this being core and central for me. My intentional work here is fascinating, motivating and filled with wonderful curiosity.
  3. Peace in our minds. Our minds seem to be the place of perpetual committee meetings where we hear old voices telling us; shouting at us and sometimes condemning us. Learning how to quiet the mind is a spiritual exercise that nearly every religion on earth addresses. Jesus described an inner room where we can go to intentionally say “no” to the voices that never seem to leave us alone.   Voices that snarl their jeering, rejecting and condemning tones undermine our efforts to have inner peace. We learn, hopefully, how to shut the door to these voices and listen to the Voice that tells us who we really are and what our true identity is all about in life.  This particular area is key in the work of caring for someone's soul. If our minds are not at peace--then we are not at peace.
  4. Peace in our relationships. The sum of all Christian Scripture is very clear here. We are to pursue peace in relationships. We are to engage in peaceful behaviors that move us from one position to another, more life-giving way to live. We move from competition to cooperation. We move from being divisive to be one that joins in the work and lives or others. We move from insisting on our own way and position to yielding to the perspective and insight of others. To move towards forgiveness--even when  we have in fact been wronged is at the core of being at peace.
  5. Peace with God. All of life is about learning to live at peace with God. As we experience this peace—this marker of a true relationship with God—we realize that this key and most primary of all relationships is the one relationship that anchors all other relationships. To be at peace with God is to learn how to be at peace with others—even our enemies—even those who speak ill against us. To experience the peace of God on a daily--day to day basis is at the heart of a healthy relationship with God.

 It’s far easier to list these main areas where we need to experience peace than to actually foster peace in each one. Yet, this really is our journey.  Choose one of the above areas this coming week and see how by your attention and focus people, events and circumstances may come to mind that need your attention. In my most recent sabbatical, my attention was drawn to two particular people that I knew I needed to pursue; say some words that might bring healing and resolution. These people surfaced in my own heart after weeks and weeks of quiet, rest, pondering and wondering. During the closing days of my sabbatical, I went to each one and asked forgiveness--owned what I could and sought to bless them by telling them how important they were to me and how much I valued them. It helped. And to my great surprise, I believe they were helped by my peace-making actions.[tweetthis]Making peace and experiencing contentment in life is truly an Inside Job. Peace does not just happen.[/tweetthis] When we do our inner work, we are cultivating the peace we desire and want.When we live at peace and in peace—we discover who we really are. We gain a sense of our true identity as the children of God. Some people say, I have my mother’s eyes. Some say, you might look more like your father than your mother. To look like and to be a person of peace is to possess the highest hallmark of the spiritual life. For when we are at peace—we are truly in God’s presence.