[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7OynlzqtxmY[/youtube] Ten Things I Want to Impress Upon My Children by Stephen W. SmithIt's called imprinting. If you take a moment and watch the 40 second video, you'll see a man who has imprinted on the brain for four baby geese that he is the new Mother Goose--and that he should be followed, mimicked and imitated.This is what I'm realizing now in being a grandparent. I became the sort of male Goose for my four sons. They mimicked what they saw me do. My actions, right and wrong deeply imprinted their souls. As a counselor, I can trace how a person handles conflict by asking about how they saw conflict expressed in the home. You can do the same with love's beginnings by asking, ' How did you experience love from your parents?' Some imprinting is good; some is necessary and some is in need of redemption.I confess that I did not do everything right as a father. In the early years, I was obsessed with my work. I worked way too many hours helping many other people and at times feel like I gave the left-overs to my wife and children. Call it Absentee Imprinting. Thanks be to God--I was able to see my wicked ways and make life altering choices. I became a father who was engaged-- a dad who cared--an involved male role model speaking into the impressionable souls of my four boys.
Imprinting is the very serious work of spiritual formation. Here are some things I find myself thinking about ---wishing--hoping and longing--to imprint before I leave the planet:1) Now I want to imprint that tenderness is more powerful than strength.2) I want to imprint that love is the only power that really transforms--not obedience.3) I want to imprint that no job is ever worth becoming an absentee dad--no job.4) I want to imprint that being a great husband will be make you become the greatest of dads.5) I want to imprint that delighting in your child will become your greatest gift you can ever give to your sons and daughters.6) I want to imprint that you need to figure out how you need to delight in your children and be about that work more than the vocation you are involved with right now.7) I want to imprint that the souls of your young children are very, very impressionable and don't ever think they are not watching, mimicking and modeling.8)I want to imprint that before you yell at your children, walk away and get a grip on your own unresolved issues that are causing you to become so angry.9)I want to imprint on my own sons that their greatest model of how to father is learning from the God of Jesus Christ.10) I want to imprint on my sons and daughters in love to be careful about being overly committed to technology because no iPhone, internet dialogue or on-line shopping will ever replace the sacred moments you could be watching your child instead of watching the computer screen.Questions to Consider:1 What three things would you like to imprint into your children's minds so that they will NEVER, EVER forget?2.As you reflect on your on spiritual formation, what three things do you feel your own parents or guardians invested in you that you will take to the grave?3. How do your values differ from the world's values of what is important to leave behind? Author's Note: I'd really like to hear from you about your thoughts on this concept and title as it may morph into a book of some form with many of these ideas fleshed out. So please--I invite the feedback and leaving comments. I will help me determine the viability. Thanks so much)
The Greatest Gift of All
Few of us can ever fully understand an event in life unless we have experienced it. Life, itself has become my greatest teacher. I know about cancer because I am married to a cancer survivor. I understand the heart and dilemmas of a missionary because i have shared that journey. I understand the private agonies of a pastor because I pastored churches for over 25 years. I know what it is to be a son; a father, an uncle and husband because as a man, my role and soul have been intertwined into each of these identities.I often heard grandparents talk about the joys of being a grandparent and it just sounded like mindless chatter. I would sit and listen to their stories about their grandchildren doing certain feats and saying the "darn'dest" things. But honestly, it would roll in one ear and out the other.My life has changed now because of the greatest gift of all. I have a grandson. His name is Caleb. However, I am still calling him "Baby Beloved." One of the old Jewish prophets reminded us that God, himself would sing over us and delight in us (Zeph. 3:17). As I hold Baby Beloved, I find myself singing over and over a little song, I've already made us which simply says, "Baby Beloved, you are Baby Beloved and I delight in you with the greatest of delights." It's not made up. It's so deeply true. I think I wondered what this experience would be like: Would I fall instantly in love? Would my heart swell with pride? Would the trajectory of my life be altered forever? The answer is simply "Yes!"Last night, Caleb was a bit fussy. No one could seem to settle him until I took him. My big arms made a cradle and I sat in a rocker and just sang my little "Baby Beloved..." He quieted and his eyes became a window for me to peer into his 9lb 10oz soul. I looked into his heart and his eyes looked into my heart and then it happened. I knew that I have been given the greatest gift of all. Flesh of my flesh and bone of my bone, little Baby Beloved has woven his own place in my heart.I love him! I really love him. I told Gwen that if we got the news that something was wrong, we'd get on a plane and fly across the world to be with him and for me to sing "Baby Beloved" to him.There comes times in our lives when hearing that lullaby is all we need. "Baby Beloved, you are Baby Beloved" will calm the heart and still the soul. Now I know more than ever before why Jesus would "often" withdraw to lonely places to be alone with God. There in the sanctuary of nature amidst olive trees and mountain's shadows, God would sing over Jesus. "Baby Beloved, you are Baby Beloved and I delight in you with the greatest of delights."
I'm Going to be a Pappy!
I'm sitting in my son's ho
me in Fayettville, NC. We've been here for a few days waiting on their first baby, our first grandchild to be born. It's quiet now. There's been lots of activity because a few hours ago, Katie, my daughter in love, gave the first signs that Baby Beloved is going to arrive soon.They are off to the hospital and we are sitting here in the waiting mode.Waiting.It's what you do when you cannot move forward. You wait at the traffic light for it to turn green so you can go. You wait in line at the store until it's your turn to be checked out and pay for your groceries. You wait till you meet the right person you want to marry. You wait until the right job opens up that is perfect for you to step into. You wait for a baby to be born.We hurry up through life so we can wait for the next thing to happen, don't we? We move fast, only to be stopped again because we cannot keep moving forward. We have to wait.In life, there are many Ecclesiastical seasons told to us in Ecclesiastes 3. "There's a time for every activity under heaven. A time to be born--which is today hopefully for my little grandson. There is a time to be active. And there is the thing called waiting.Waiting is never a passive act. When we wait, something else is happening in us and around us. We wait and become more excited. We wait and become more anxious. We wait and more understanding comes. We wait. Waiting is the posture we assume when we have to practice the sovereignty of God. We relinquish action when we wait. We turn our hands over and say, "I'm done. It's yours, God." Waiting reminds us that we are not in control. Waiting reminds us that life is not ours to orchestrate, to give, to determine or to control. Waiting is a necessary teacher.So, as I scan my conscious mind right now in the waiting process of little Baby Beloved to make his great appearance, I wait in the realization that I am: flooded with memories of me being in the position Blake is right now for four times in my life--in the birth of each of my own sons. Now as a grandfather, I am not nervous. I am not concerned. I am not sweating. I am not filled with anxious thoughts. I am quietly sitting here and talking to God. I am saying over and over in my mind, "Lord, have mercy. Christ have mercy." I am breathing a prayer which is short that simply says, "This child is yours. You formed him before the foundation of the world. He is already the beloved before he draws his first breath. His is the beloved."When one waits, like Lazarus had to wait, we sometimes feel that God tarries and Jesus lingers. I hate it when they do that. That sacred cadence that makes them seem to move ever so slowly. But waiting teaches me that time is not mine to control. I am not the author of what time my grandbaby will be born. I am not the author and I am not the finisher. Waiting affirms to me that God is in control.Having waited on the delivery of my four sons, now I wait for my own heart to be delivered to a new identity. We've been laughing about what I want to be called as a grandfather. I'm choosing the name, "Pappy." It's a name that to me is endearing. It's a name one must wear with age. It's a name I will choose to be called and grow into loving hearing myself being called by this name. It's something close to the Hebrew word for "Abba" which Jesus offered us in his intimate name for his Father. It simply means, "Daddy." I will be a Pappy in a few hours and until that time arrives, I will simply rest in being the Beloved of God myself.I will rest in this realization.I will wait in this truth.I will relish in the implications for me and for my new grandchild.
The Life and Death of Marriage
We are about ready to lead 85 couples into the greatest mystery of life and that is the relationship between a man and woman in marriage. Marriage is a sacred tool used by God to revolutionize the human heart--the heart of two people who join together in marriage. There are issues for the single person to work through, but the issues of marriage brings to single souls together and in the mystery of the journey, the two become one.Tonight, we will give a talk focusing on this theme: Closing the Gap. In every marriage gaps form which widen and separate the two thirsty souls and there are no exceptions. I'm going to outline five forces which seem determined to push couples apart rather than bring them together. The five I will explore are:
- The busyness of life and the residual affect on marriages.
- The unresolved issues of the past. Every person in the marriage brings dirty laundry to the marriage and when the baggage is big, the problems are bigger!
- A common but profound mis-understanding about what authentic intimacy is and looks like. True intimacy is defined this way: INTO-ME-See. And because of our fear of letting this happen. We live isolated, disconnected and alone in the marriage.
- The fact that most couples live out their marriage only with a horizontal understanding of each other and void of a vertical one. Marriage is sacred and their is no secular space within any marriage.
- Our tendency in marriage is to forget that the human heart has four chambers and all four chambers need to be opened in marriage. The fourth chamber is where the secrets of the past, the lies of the present and the longings of the future reside. As my mentor poet, Mary Oliver has told us, "The Heart has many dungeons. Bring the light. Bring the light!" How we need the light of Jesus to help a marriage really function the way that God intended.
We'd appreciate the prayers of our all of our readers and friends as we lead these 85 couples into the great mystery of their relationships and as we descend into the fourth chamber of the husband's heart and the wife's soul.It's an noble task we're about to undertake and it's not an easy assignment at all!We are in Baltimore, MD at Central Presbyterian Church.
The Heartbeat
http://www.steveandgwensmith.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/Memo.mp3I hope this might work. If you play the little play button above, you'll hear a short, 10 second recording that may drop you to your knees as it has me. I hope you can heart the heartbeat. It's a few seconds of a heartbeat but not just any heartbeat. It's the heartbeat of my grandchild!Thrilling.Fascinating.Holy.Fearfully and wonderfully made!Alive!
It humbles me to know that this little heartbeat is indeed a soul in formation. I think that when Gwen and I had kids years ago, we did not realize the grander story going on... that indeed---a child is really a soul--a soul in formation who would need a ton of love, a ton of guidance and a ton of care all requiring a ton of prayer. With age and life, I now know that a child--every child--is a soul in formation. Age brings wisdom and now the heartbeat that you're listening to is NOT just another kid that is in utero. It's a soul in formation--my grandchild!Baby Beloved, we are waiting on you. We are praying and pulling for you. Your Dad is a warrior for our country and he will be a warrior for your heartbeat--all the days of your life. Baby Beloved, my heart will now be fighting for your heart---all the days of my life. I love you, Baby Beloved! May your heart beat strong and may God give you an undivided heart to praise His name!We'd appreciate your prayers. Blake, our son and the father of Baby Beloved is now deployed in a hotspot which we are not allowed to disclose. But he will be deployed until May. He'll miss his wife's belly grow large with this child. He'll be engaging in keeping us safe as a member of Joint Special Forces.... so pray would you for his saftey...pray for Baby Beloved and the Mom--Katie who is the one, great with child and also great with great child!
Baby Beloved
Here is my grandchild! Like the Job, of old in the Old Testament, I cry out,"Oh that marvel of conception as you stirred together semen and ovum--What a miracle of skin and bone, muscle and brain! You gave me life itself and incredible love." (Job 10:10ff Message)Someone once said, "a baby is God's evidence that the world should go on!" In such of world of fear, turmoil, disaster and ruin, we might think--- what hope is there for a child to be born these days? We would not be the first to think such a thought. Can't you imagine even in the days of Jesus--under Roman rule, slavery and economic oppression people might have felt similar? I can.I believe that my grandchild will be part of God's solution to the world. Born to parents who follow Jesus, this child will hold the light within that will shed it's rays into the darkness of the waiting world. This child will be salt to a very unsavory place. This child will be a bearer of hope.That gives me hope not dread. It makes me want to live--to live even longer in my own life to nurture this life--to protect this life--to anchor this new life in love, awe and splendor. More than that, this baby in utero make me pray more than I ever have in my life. Strange, isn't it? That a fetus would make one pray more--but I am not the first to pray because of a pregnancy. Joseph did. Abraham must have and the rest. Men of old, dropped to their knees by a baby.Baby Beloved, as I call you now.I find myself thinking of you all the time.Anchored within your mother's womb andYour father like a warrior to protect you.Grow strong in that safe, dark place.Be safe within and when you arrive,We will bid you safety, peace and grace out here! Your Papa! Stephen W. SmithAll Rights Reserved. Copyright 2012.
Becoming a Grandfather to the Honey of the Hive!
We got the news through skype over the holidays. Our 1st born son and his wife are going to become parents to a baby! Translated, I am going to become a grandfather! This bundle of belovedness is going to arrive in July. It's thrilling for Gwen and me to consider this "development" and we treasure this news in our hearts and it has all set us to do a bit of pondering. Pondering is the word that the Bible uses when we learn that Mary is pregnant. She ponders. She thinks. She imagines. The ordinary routine of life is invaded with news that stops your world and shapes your outlook into the future. I simply cannot imagine Mary's pondering but I am becoming quiet familiar with my own. Here are some of my ponderings upon hearing this very good news!This baby is already the beloved of God. Formed in the mother's womb, this child already is loved by God. Isn't that simply stunning. We read, "Long before the foundations of the world were set, God had you--THIS BABY--in mind and had settled on THIS baby to become the focus of His love (Eph. 1:3, Msg).All of the days ahead for THIS baby are ordained by God--already. (Psalm 139:16)This child, my grandchild--flesh of my own flesh is already being cradled by more than fluids in the sac...but held by the very hands of the Eternal God. So, I have tried to put pen to words...put thoughts into a poem for my Beloved grandchild. Here's what I have written for my grandchild--upon hearing this news and upon further pondering and reflection: The Honey of the Hiveby Stephen W. Smith Every last part of you,all sinews, muscles and skinis now jointed in history and futureto what will unfold and begin. Already the Beloved in sacred form,though not seen, not held and not touched.Marvelous soul so sacred to be born,what love now awaits you. Flesh of my own flesh; heart so alive,With bowed knee and humble mind,We celebrate the honey of the hive!What glory now awaits us to kiss this sacred face. A part of me will now through you liveAnd I am ready for that!What I will touch is Yours to give,O Glory be for this good gift. Copyright 2012. Stephen W. SmithAll Rights Reserved.