Chasing the Bitch-goddess of Success

November 9, 2013 by Leave a Comment

Chasing the Bitch-goddess of Success

by Stephen W. Smith

Copyright 2013: Stephen W. Smith. This material may NOT be re-printed, used or copied in any form.

chasing

We are in trouble. We are living in a corrosive and corrupted culture that is shaping the souls of men and women more that the Divine Potter is forming our very own souls. We are chasing the wind and reaping the whirlwind.

We don’t believe the wise old Jewish preacher who once said:

“One handful of peaceful repose
Is better than two fistfuls of worried work—
More spitting into the wind.”[1]

We scorn one handful of anything—but less peace, tranquility and a serene life. We strive for two handfuls of everything. More money. More pleasure. More income. More square footage. More. More. More! We find ourselves living in the illusion which says, “More can be yours if you work your butt off for it.” We live in a time and space which reduces the value of a human being to what you have; not who you are!

The voice of our culture says, “Hurry up and win! “ “You can have it all! But only to those who work the hardest!” “The one with the most toys win.” It’s very interesting to note that in the history of Christianity, men and women who achieved “saint” status were never measured by their accumulations. The amassing of fortunes has never inspired any saint I know of to do more. Their movtivation came from a deeper place—a place inside of them that was not broken; corrupted or wrecked. They were not looking for the outer markers of success as so many are today. Instead, their inner radar honed in on something true; something right and something eternal.

Today, we are shaped by the Fortune 500 list which you will never be on. We are shown fabulous automobiles that we cannot afford. We are mesmerized by beautiful people in ads and commercials which we will never become. We live in a perpetual place of suspension—always longing for but never, ever arriving.

Spiritual pursuits have been replaced by capitalists achievements. We strive. But come up empty. Leaders chase the wind and then spit into it when failure comes. We have swallowed the pill that influences our sense of security, conscious and character. We are confused and we are burned-out from chasing the bitch-goddess of success. That one, seemingly true god which is a hybrid, culturally defined bench marker of what makes a man or women.

The bitch-goddess of success inspires us to believe that self-esteem is found in having more and doing more. Money and success becomes the true currency to get you somewhere. Effort and achievement are heralded as the way to being successful. We read books to help us understand how we can manage our time more to achieve more.

In the end, but at the beginning of the 21st century we are tired, worn out and exhausted—calling it all the abundant life. We are believing the lie that the bitch-goddess haunts us with. “If you do more, then you will be more and then and only then will you have more.”

[1] Ecclesiastes 4:6, The Message

Filed Under: General, Leadership, Rhythmn, The Work within the Work

Living the Life You Want To Live

September 6, 2012 by 5 Comments

Does it sound selfish—I mean to ask yourself this kind of question: What kind of life do you want to live? Let’s talk about this for a few moments today. Do I want my life to be driven by others? Steered by others? Fueled by busyness? Fulfilling lists and obligations? How can we move into living an intentional life ripe with longings fulfilled; living with no regret and challenged by living with a greater purpose than survival?

I’m thinking through some categories of how I will answer this question. Categories are really helpful to help me break this question down and really try to answer the question.

For example…my health will matter in the answer. I want to be healthy. So learning to choose and make healthy choices will be important in living the life I most want to live. I don’t want to die early by making bad and unhealthy choices. So, health will be a category of how I want to live. I want to live in a healthy way will mean that I must eat in healthy ways. I must also choose to invest time in my body to exercise and to move more. So, to answer the question, of what is the life I want to live will mean facing this category straight on and make some adjustments.

Here’s another category I’m thinking through. I have had many roles in my life. I’ve been a pastor, author,counselor, spiritual director, husband, father, brother and son. What roles do I want to continue to serve in for my future which is both near and dear. Some of my roles, I need to give up and other roles I will want to assume. I noticed on Facebook that one of my friends changed their title of their Facebook page to Author John Doe. That was interesting to me to look at and figure out if I liked that for myself. I don’t-even though I’ve authored six books now. I’m more than an author. In the life I want to live, what roles are the most important? What roles do I sense a calling-a voice telling me to “Do this…or do that…” What MUST I do with my one and ordinary life is the focus question.

Place is another category. Where do I want to live my only life I will ever be given. I settled this question 12 years ago because I decided I wanted to live in the West…where there is drama in the panorama of what I look at. I was tired of heat, humidity and the Bible belt…so with this in mind, we moved. It was costly. We sacrificed family ties and traded them for geographical beauty. Place matters alot to many people. Where do you really WANT to live?

Community is an important category. Who do you want to live out your life with in the next 5-10 years? I’m facing this question head on now. In our move to the retreat, we’re leaving being spontaneous in calling a friend and saying “Let’s meet for dinner.” Now, it’s an hour drive. It cost gas money now and it takes time to drive down. So, we are thinking our new community will be fostered, developed and nurtured in whole new ways. We will have to re-think some things. We’re realized that every relationship that is NOT reciprocal is not a relationship we will choose to invest in for friendship sake. Reciprocal living is one of the greatest Biblical values—all the 5o plue “one another” statements in the Bible only underscores the longing to live life out with a few people who can love and be loved; touch and be touched; celebrate and be celebrated. So this category will force me to re-think what I will do about my groups, my dearest friends and even my church.

Family is a category to think through carefully. Who really is our family? I now live 1500 miles from my sons, my mother, my sister and my only brother. Jesus said that “Whoever does the will of my Father is my sister and brother.” That’s a big statement to ponder. In my case, I have felt ties to family re-ignited. I’ve wanted to close old gaps. I’ve wanted old hurts healed. I’ve wanted the space between me and the ones I loved closed so that their are no longer huge emotional gaps and questions.

 

What other categories would you suggest to think through in fostering the life you most want to live? What have I left out that seems blatantly obvious to you?

Filed Under: Church, Companionship, Family, General Tagged With: , , ,

The Paradox of Thanksgiving

November 23, 2011 by 8 Comments

by Stephen W. Smith

Thanksgiving and actually every holiday, stirs the soul and brings up the dark as well as the light.

I asked Gwen what single word would sum up the year 2011, without any hesitation, she said, “Pain!” In that single word few companions or acquaintances could ever realize the hidden pain she has carried. Her back pain. The surgery. The tumor. The 4 month long recuperation that will morph to 12 months before she’s done and actually “better.”

Do you have one word that might describe 2011? Think of one and don’t be too shallow, smaltzy or simple! Find a word that you might offer as a word to give insight to your very soul.

Here’s what true for me in this past year that I need to keep in mind as I look for my word:

In 2011:

I had to re-write my entire book that I spent two years writing.
I had to do this in three months.
I had to cancel plans for a summer of fun for a long, hard journey into my heart to try-again to understand what the abundant life was really about.
I have to realize that in the empty nest, we find ourselves alone more than we really want to be and deeply miss our kids.
I have to realize that the realization of a dream long fought for and hard-pressed to realize has ushered me into a new feeling that goes something like this: “Now, what?”
I am coming to realize that my closest friends are really never going to live in one place and for any extended period of time.
That the finishing of the Inn-the big red barn is really only the sobering beginning of ministry using it.

Life is expensive. We gain in life-but the truth is really this-we also lose in life. Abundance in life is not about amassing everything that is good. But abundance is coming to the understanding that we are merely clay and life is not up to us and never was.

So, while packing our car to drive up to the retreat to enjoy the thanksgiving feast with a few friends who have become for us family, we are sobered by the paradox of thanksgiving. To celebrate thanksgiving is to relinquish the feeling of simply being happy to being profoundly aware that without Jesus Christ, life would not be worth it.

In every paradox is the lens through with to see truth as it really is and that this truth is really the only thing that will set us free in the end.

Here’s to all who have lost their love in death this past year who will need to be thankful for a life now alone.
Here’s to all who have lost their job and have no future for a new one who will need to be thankful at the prospect of a meager year ahead.
Here’s to all who have received bad news from the doctor and will need to be thankful.
Here’s to politicians that continue to over promise and under deliver in this great nation of ours that seems so broken this year!
Here’s to all have been betrayed by a friend, stabbed in the back by someone you never felt could or would do it and be thankful.
Here’s to all who have lost so much only to find that they have everything in Jesus Christ.
Here’s to all who will walk with a limp but who will still walk.
Here’s to all who have sought refuge in the church only to feel even more alone.
Here’s to all who have tried to live more simply but only to discover the complexities of the soul’s longings.
Here’s to all who seek the serenity of the Quiet One only to discover the shouting within and around us.

Paradox is sometimes the very best word one can use to discuss our life which goes sometimes like this: “It was the best of times. It was the worst of times….we had everything before us. We had nothing before us. It was the spring of our hope. It is the winter of our discontent. Yes, we live here in the middle of these realities and to deny that we do is a symptom of our shallow lives and empty hearts. If the Psalmist could express both love and fear; worship and defeat; victory with lament in his poems, why then, can’t we?

I”m mindful of you this Thanksgiving. I’m so very thankful for your honest questions. Your determination to not give up or give in. I’m grateful to soldiers who will eat alone so that we may feast together.

I am most thankful for David, Rebekah who are my team in life and work now. I am thankful for Paul, Chad and Tiffiny who make our life, retreat and work better than what it would be if I were alone.

I am profoundly thankful for my true companion in life who seeks what I want; who longs for what I long for; who will not settle for anything less of what the paradox of thanksgiving stirs.

My word for 2011 is paradox. Some good, some bad. Some hard. Some easy. Some wonderful. Some awful. Some brutal. Some beautiful.

Yes, paradox.

Blessings at Thanksgiving!

OK. Now in the “reply” box, type in your one word-perhaps with some elaboration and let us compare notes on the journey towards having grateful hearts!

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The Power of Belonging

November 18, 2011 by 6 Comments

by Stephen W. Smith

Last night I watched the Denver Broncos play football. It was a thrilling game but as the cameras panned the sold out stadium, what I saw was the power of belonging—most fans were wearing the orange and blue colors of the Broncos! Dressed alike there was solidarity in the cheering and victory.

But the night before last, I witnessed one of the most powerful sights of belonging that I have seen in years. A modern monastic order came together—men and women—married and single to welcome three new members into their community. I was invited to witness the event but my witnessing of what happened deeply moved me to tears, sober realizations and soulful longings.

Every human being longs to belong. This is why standing in a circle or sitting a table in a few days at Thanksgiving will be so good for our souls. There at the table, we will sit or stand in a circle; perhaps we will hold hands and bow our heads but one other, very important thing is happening. We are moving in that time from the “me” to the “we.” We are brought together to share together; to experience together; to taste together the goodness of our Thanksgiving meal.

This modern monastic order had worked with three individuals to teach them their ways, expectations and values. The three very ordinary, novitiates, who longed to belong stood ready to be accepted. One after one was called to the center where they stated their intent to belong to something greater than merely belonging to the me. They wanted to belong to the “we.” They desired community. They wanted to live out their lives with a few other like-minded men and women and experience church in their midst.

The drama increased for me as each novitiate was recognized, blessed and celebrated. A novitiate is anyone who is a beginner at something that wants to get better at something. Aren’t we really all novitiates in life? I know I am. Then, a beautiful yet simple cross was placed around their neck. It was the symbol that everyone in the room wore but me. I had no cross but I sure had the desire. Everyone moved to hug and embrace the new members of the “we”. They now belonged.

My desire was not so much to be given a cross as it was the amazing realization that I, too, wanted—no- needed to belong. I wanted to stand with a few people who wanted the same things I wanted; who would die for the same cause I would lay my life down for. We see such marvels at belonging in our military, sports, clubs and family events. My wish these days is for this power of belonging to draw the church into more of a “we” than just a gathering of “me’s.”

This Thanksgiving, we will perhaps sense this urge that swelled up within me. The power of belonging will rise up within us. Gather with what friends and family you may. Form the circle at the blessing or around the table. What will be more important than the feast before us, will be the feast of our lives—the power of belonging to one another! The power of “we.” For me, only one of my sons will travel 1,000 miles and leave the “me” to become the “we.” But though not all together, we will pause with a circle smaller than what I’d like and bow our heads to the One who lets us be both “me” and “we.”

Take a moment here and use the “reply” piece here to express your Thanksgiving for the people you belong to and then forward this to your “we.”

(This theme is explore more indepth in one of the Eight Ways in my new book, The Jesus Life: Eight Ways to Re-discover Authentic Christianity. But this blog is new and does not appear in the book’s content). Copyright: Stephen W. Smith, 2011. You have permission to forward, print and use.

Filed Under: Companionship, General Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Living the Life we WANT to live!

October 11, 2011 by 4 Comments

Gwen is wanting me to quit using this picture of us. When I asked her why she said, “It’s 8 years old and we are more beat up now then when the picture was taken.” We laughed…. but inside we knew the truth of her joke. Perhaps, like many of our pictures-they are memories of a more innocent time-a time before big things happened that altered our life forever.

You know what I mean. The death of a parent. Losing your job. Erosion in your 401K. Life was more simple back then. The smiles were perhaps—well-deeper.

Life has a way of beating us up sometimes. When we closed our CaringBridge Blog, I could not help but notice that all but one of my friends who ever did a Caring Bridge blog had all died. I guess you can say that they were beat up by their cancer, their tumors, their illnesses and their disease-created dis-ease in their lives and every thing changed. The Cancer eventually did them in. This might sound crass but let me ask you a question:

Are you living the life you want to live before you die?

It’s a simple question and don’t read on before you pause with my quesition for a moment. One of my favorite authors and literary mentors is David Whyte. He wrote words I’ll never forget and I quote them often. He said, “Sometimes we have to unmake a living before we can live the life we really want to live.”

Gwen’s back surgery now seven weeks ago has unmade us. We’ve been forced to think and rethink much of our lives. Recovery is going slower than we both anticipated. She’s still not able to lift more than a gallon of milk and is now beginning her pool therapy which will help her recover the numbness in her leg. She’s making good progress you’ll be glad to know. This is a picture of her and me along with our friend, Dr. Curt Thompson (author of The Anatomy of the Soul, which we highly and strongly recommend).

She looks great doesn’t she? But behind every picture there is an inner story. Both of us were profoundly impacted by Curt Thompson’s book and the weekend retreat he led for us at our Inn in Colorado. We were so impacted that we’re beginnging now to make even more adjustments in our thinking about—well, about nearly everything. Curt’s a follower of Jesus who is also a psychiatrist. We spent hours together talking and sharing some of our lives with Curt. It was so helpful to get great insight and feedback-resulting in us vowing to ourselves, “We really do want to live the life we WANT to live—not just HAVE to live.” There’s a difference you know and perhaps Jesus came to offer us this difference—this Jesus Life, not an ordinary life.

So, in these fall days, we’re beginning to re-think much of our lives, whether or not we WANT to remain in our home or sell it and move to the retreat. How we want to be more involved in the lives of those we love and less involved with people and things that take the life out of us. As we begin to blog together, you’ll be able to hear from both us— watch our struggles to come to grips with some deep regrets that we both have our seeking the courage to set out to live and experience the life we really do want to live.

We were reminded….The Kingdom of God is actually here and now…not just ours through death. How’s your kingdom life going?

Steve and Gwen Smith
Colorado Springs, CO
Potter’s Inn

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Welcome to the new blog

September 28, 2011 by Leave a Comment


by Stephen W. and Gwen Harding Smith

Hello Friends, welcome to our new blog where we’ll be sharing our lives with you, step by step. We thought on this first look into the new blog we’d share the outline of what we’re going to be doing here.

First, we’re going to give you a paragraph each entry from Steve’s new book: The Jesus Life: Eight Ways to Re-Discover Authentic Christianity and then we’re just going to unpack the paragraph, give you our personal insight and reactions to how we’re living this out. If you sit with the title of the book you can see that both of us, after 31 years of marriage and 57 years of life have come to the conclusion that some thing is deeply wrong with how we are going about living the Christian life out. Deeply wrong.

When I ask people to give me five words that would be to describe their life right now, to date, no one has EVER given me the word “abundant.” Yet, this descriptor is precisely what so many of us are longing for and desperately thirsty for.

Here’s the outline we’re going to follow in the blog-giving you our honest, heartfelt and sometimes raw reactions to the challenge Jesus left us with—to live a life that is “Abundant” in the midst of a life and world that is so filled with disappointment, suffering, depression, economic challenge-that is unparalleled in history.

We look forward to unpacking this step by step. Here is some of what we’ll be discussing and some of where we’re headed here on the blog:

Part One: Losing Our Way
1. Recovering our life
We’ve lost the way that leads to life.

Part Two: Walking In the Way
2. The Rhythm of Jesus
Living a life that sustains
3. The Way Jesus “did” his life
Exploring a model for our own.

Part Three: Finding The Way

4. The Way of Dailiness
Living The Jesus Life Everyday
5. The Way of Hiddeness
Choosing obscurity to cultivate life
6. The Way of Family
Living the life with our family
7. The Way of Companionship
Cultivating friendships in reality and truth
8. The Way of the Table
Savoring a sacred mystery
9. The Way of Doing Good
Extending life to others
10. The Way of Ritual
Creating signposts as we journey through life
11. The Way of Suffering
Understanding the role of pain and suffering

Part Four: Living The Life

12. A Good Life
Learning to wear the easy yoke of Jesus

Filed Under: General

The Integrated Life

September 22, 2011 by Leave a Comment

by Stephen W. Smith

Today in Colorado-well it’s stunning and mesmerizing. It’s why I chose to live in such staggering beauty. I took a long drive today into the foothills and my road took me up and down, swaggering by hills and through green pastures. Beauty that is intoxicating. I stopped at a favorite tea house where I ordered French Press Coffee, Carrot Cake and ice water and just basked in the sunshine.

Glory! Why is it, that carrot cakes seems to help almost everything and everyone?

Then I reached for my journal and began to write a page about how deeply I am longing to live what I am going to call “the integrated life.” A life that I will begin to share with you here. I came up with ten descriptions of the integrated life I want to live. In post after post, Gwen and I will begin to share our hearts, soul’s longings and deep stirrings with you. Perhaps our thoughts will stir you to think more deeply; more contemplatively; more reflectively about the life that you are living and whether you are happy with the life you are living.

Here’s how the dictionary defines the word “integrate:”

in·te·grate
   [in-ti-greyt] Show IPA verb, -grat·ed, -grat·ing.
verb (used with object)
1.to bring together or incorporate (parts) into a whole.
2.to make up, combine, or complete to produce a whole or a larger unit, as parts do.
3.to unite or combine.
4.to give or cause to give equal opportunity and consideration to (a racial, religious, or ethnic group or a member of such a group): to integrate minority groups in the school system.
5.to combine (educational facilities, classes, and the like, previously segregated by race) into one unified system; desegregate.

I want all of this in my life. I’m tired of managing silos of work, health, family and faith. I don’t believe in silo thinking any more. I don’t believe in the balanced life any more. I believe the balanced life is a myth and lie that someone invented to sell books and fill seminars. I’ve tried to find balance. Now I am liking two words, far, far better than balanced! They are the words integrated and rhythm. I’ll explain more in the blogs to follow.

I met today with some social marketing geeks who are going to help us revamp our blog, give a face lift to our old look and capture the message we will begin to share with you.

OK blog readers. I invite you to comment. What do you think an integrated life looks like? Do you want one? What can we do to live the life we want?

Copyright 2011. Stephen W. Smith

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Morphing the Blog

September 15, 2011 by 1 Comment

Gwen and I have decided, together, to morph this blog. We’re going to be doing some significant changes in upcoming days and weeks. And the most important is that we’re going to enter entries together. Both of us will be writing on this blog and the focus of our writing and musings will be our own interaction with the topic and themes in my new book, The Jesus Life: Eight Ways to Re-discover Authentic Christianity.”

Why are we doing this? We’re doing this for three main reasons. Both of us want to desperately live-The Jesus Life. We’re tired of the church life, the busy life, the American life and more. In the book I explore how to return to the life Jesus described and offered-the abundant life. That’s the life we want. Second, Gwen’s gotten so much favorable feedback from her writing on her Caringbridge.org site, (her recovery from major back surgery) that we felt this would be a great outlet and spiritual practice to just write, share our thoughts and encourage our on-line village of friends and companions to journey with us into The Jesus Life. Third, we’re doing this because we want to invite you into the life we are leaning into. We want to discuss, dialogue and divulge our heart with you as we interact with the most important and some of the most neglected themes of our times. In The Jesus Life, we’re going to explore some of the content of the book; give you excerpts BEFORE the book is published and ideas on how to integrate what is shared. It will be personal. It will be real. It will be heart-felt. And it will be from both of our perspectives-male and female; husband and wife, father and mother, son and daughter of God and fellow pilgrims on this long arduous journey home.

So, after some significant changes to our blog in the new week, we’ll be up and running. I hope you’ll spread the word!

We hope you’ll “subscribe” to the blog and share this with your friends. We hope you’ll consider journeying with us together as we embark on this new chapter of our life, marriage, work and family!

Blessings,

Steve

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The Oxbow Reality in the Spiritual Life

June 23, 2011 by 1 Comment

It’s called an “oxbow.” Notice the shape of the river flowing through this beautiful scene that I saw yesterday and blogged about. See the meandering of the river, creating what is called, an oxbow effect. It’s named that due to the river carving out a shape similar to that of the curves of an oxen yoke.

I texted this picture to a friend of mine back east and he immediately saw it and said, “An Oxbow. Amazing how you can travel so far on a river only to wind up just a few hundred yards downstream by foot.”

Isn’t that true in life. We can travel so very far through the years, yet make so little progress it seems. After all we go through in life, only to find we’re just a few feet from where we started.

I can easily imagine the oxbow effect on the early disciples who tried to follow Jesus wholeheartedly, yet kept stumbling back through the same issues of pride, power struggles and not really getting Jesus’ intent at all after multiple times of hearing him and watching him. Aren’t we really like those early followers—people who just can’t seem to get what Jesus is up to in our life and we keep coming back to learn, re-learn and learn again the most basic principles of the spiritual life: I am the Beloved. Trust God. Lean on him not my own understanding and so much more.

Stephen W. Smith
Potter’s Inn

Are you in an Oxbow place in your life? How can you move on through to greater and deeper realities of the spiritual life

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Beauty Helps!

June 22, 2011 by 1 Comment

I saw this with my own eyes today. It’s found in a place 30 minutes from the retreat near Tarryall, CO and called, the Lost Wilderness.

I felt lost so going to a place called the Lost Wilderness was for me, like being pulled there by the Puller of My Soul. We got bad news twice yesterday. One kick in the gut for me about having to re-write most, if not all of my book I’ve been working on now for two years. Gwen’s kick is for her to tell but both blows have made me seek some solace today.

Beauty helps. Simone Weil wisely tells us, “There are only two things that pierce the soul. One is pain. The other is beauty.” When you stop and think about it, how true that statement really is for us mere humans on this planet and who find themselves on the long, arduous journey to heaven. Pain shatters us-drops us to our knees and makes us cry out to anyone or anything in the Cosmos that might even remotely hear us. Beauty helps. Beauty draws us to humble amazement and we wonder as we wander through it and soon we find that beauty has helped. Beauty assuages the deep grief of the soul and heart.

I’m going back to this place tomorrow. I’m glad it’s close to where I’m doing my re-write of the book. I’m going to walk into that beauty with my bride. I texted her today and said, “You have to come up here tomorrow and walk into this epic scene of beauty. It will help you. It will help me. It will help us.”

Stephen W. Smith
Potter’s Inn

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